Just another Catholic mom

Goodbye

2012-01-17T13:38:00.000-05:00

After tossing it around in my mind for the last year, and especially the last few months, I've decided I'm done blogging. It's simply not enjoyable for me anymore. I will leave the blog up for a few days and then delete (I've downloaded it to keep for myself). I sincerely appreciate all the support and comments I've gotten over the last few years. Thank you so much for reading, and God bless you all!

Homesteading and homeschooling

2012-01-10T13:13:00.000-05:00

Homesteading and homeschooling both used major focuses of my blog, and I have questions about both pop up now and again, so I thought I'd go ahead and address them (I don't think I really have in the past!)

Homesteading- Well, I am still very interested in this. I would absolutely love to have a family farm and live off the land as much as possible. However, it is a lot of work. Even just enough livestock and produce for our family is a good amount of hard work, and it's more than I can handle on my own. My husband, however, is enjoys the fruits of the labor (ie, food!) but is not at all interested in labor aspect. I don't say that as a dig on him, he just does not want to do it, and he's honest about it. He was sick of living outside of town ("town" being a small town with a population of about 5K), and while I could have pushed him into moving farther out into the country and getting livestock and such, I didn't feel it was fair to either of us when he had clearly stated he didn't want to. And, as I'm not able to do the "heavy lifting" work and the children can only contribute in a very limited way, it was not feasible to take on a family farm effectively on my own. Furthermore, it was just not a financial reality. The only homes available with a few acres of land in our price range were either very small or run down, and we don't have the know-how or inclination to remodel and such on our own. So, it's a dream that will go on the back-burner, and I'm okay with that. I do hope one day that it's something we can do, but we will see. I have enough space here for some veggies, and I'd like to look in to the legality of having a few laying hens (I could get a "tractor" coop to move around the yard for them).

Homeschooling- I am not currently homeschooling any of the children, which feels strange after three years of homeschooling my oldest! She really wanted to go to public school, and as dh and I are both adamant that junior high is out of the question, fourth and fifth grade were her last chances. While I wish it were more academically rigorous (ie, classical!) it is a very nice school. Small, rural, with none of the liberal PC junk infecting many larger schools. It's the school that our 6 year old with special needs has been attending since preK (it houses the developmental pre-school for our area), so we're very familiar with it. She's doing well and enjoys going, so she will go again next year for fifth grade, and we will be homeschooling again for junior high. After that, we will re-evaluate based on her needs (for example, if she's certain she wants to attend a 4 year college, it's imperative that she be able to take full advantage of all available scholarships. In that case, we would probably send her to high school, at least for 11th and 12th grade). I don't enjoy doing pre-school, so I've always sent the kids out for it, and our 3 (almost 4!) year old attends a Christian pre-school. She's enjoyed this year and has a lot of fun, but I think I will homeschool her next year. Frankly, it's a lot of money for what's effectively a playgroup (which is not a criticism of the school, it's lovely! But pre-school in general is really more about learning to get along with other kids and preparing for how public school is structured than anything) and because of the time difference between her school and the other girls' (they start at 8, she starts at 9) it's a lot of back and forth driving that's inconvenient. For now, I plan I homeschooling her from next year on, but I do admit I feel a fair amount of conflict about it. As I said, we really like the local elementary school, and I go back and forth on whether or not they're "missing out" if they don't go. If I'm honest, the turning point for me with my oldest was when we went to dd2's Christmas program. She just looked very wistful and sad and said a few times that she really wished she could be up there with the other kids. It probably sounds silly, since in the scope of things it's such a small thing to "miss out" on, but I guess in the moment it was kind of one of those "knife in the heart" things where I really questioned if I was doing the right thing but not allowing her to go when she earnestly wanted to.

At any rate, dd2 repeated kindergarten this year, and after starting on Strattera for her ADHD, she really made significant academic progress. She won't be held back again (the school system only allows a child to be held back twice K-12) but even with the progress she's made, she's still significantly behind her peers. So I believe she will spend much of her time in the resource room with the special education teacher next year, and I'm okay with that. I personally don't feel it's fair or reasonable to make her sit in the classroom while they learn things that are beyond her current abilities. It just makes her frustrated and bored. Much of the focus in 1st grade is on learning to read, and as she's nearly blind, I would much rather have her in the resource room getting one on one attention and instruction with Braille readiness than listening to other kids learning to read when she's not even able to distinguish most letters of the alphabet (even when significantly enlarged and contrasting colors are used, there are only a couple letters she can identify). At this point I'm pretty confident that she will continue at this school until she's ready for junior high, and then she will board down at the Indiana School for the Blind and Visually Impaired. I would like to get her in sooner, but I just feel like before that she's not going to be emotionally ready to be separated from us all week, and I want her self-help skills strong enough that she doesn't need to rely heavily on the people there for help with her personal hygiene.

I think that about sums it up for now! I hope that helps clear up any questions.

Wordless Wednesday

2012-01-04T14:29:00.000-05:00

2012-01-03T15:09:00.000-05:00

I read this beautiful story on Yahoo! about an elderly woman who had given her baby for adoption after being raped as a teenager, and finally reunited 70+ years later. The baby girl she lovingly placed with a pastor and his wife went on to marry and have 6 children of her own, including one son who is an astronaut. Although the article doesn't discuss abortion, I can't help but think of it. Mrs. Disbrow would certainly have been a poster child for abortion. But this is a side of it that is rarely talked about-it isn't just the aborted child that's lost, but generations!

In a few days, it will have been 33 years since my husband was born and placed for adoption. He was born just a few years after Roe V. Wade. His birth mother could have legally killed him. Instead, she made the difficult choice to give birth to him and let him go, and because of her gift of life, I not only have my husband, but four beautiful children. Someday we will have grand-children, and great-children. Generations of a family that would have never existed if not for one woman's choice decades ago. I am so very grateful to her for that, and I hope that wherever she is, she is loved and blessed and has peace in her heart.

7 Quick Takes

2011-12-30T12:26:00.000-05:00

2012 is just around the corner! That means it's almost time for me to set a new book reading goal at Good Reads. Last year, my goal was 36 books. I read...22. Ouch. Well, what can I say, I have four children! I think I'll shoot for 30 this year.
Speaking of books, give me some suggestions! Right now I'm reading Little Women, which I've never read before, though I've seen the movie (rare thing for me, I normally read the book first...but Little Women is REALLY LONG...) I'm also up to book #6 in the Wheel of Time series (fantasy) and book #3 in the Dresden Files series (fantasy/mystery). I'm pretty much up for anything, book-wise!
We had a wonderful Christmas! The children loved their gifts, and my mother and brother spent the day with us. As a bonus, all four of my children behaved themselves at Mass (together...at the same time...) and for good measure, as we were leaving, our 6 year old turned around and yelled "Happy birthday, Jesus!"
I could use prayers for my health. I've been dealing with menorrhagia (extremely heavy periods) for many years, but every cycle is worse and worse, and many of the conventional treatments are not compatible with our views on life, so treating it isn't easy (and it has far surpassed the point where "just living with it" is even remotely a possibility. I won't go TMI, but I will just unequivocally say that it is absolutely debilitating for me to the point I'm severely depressed before and during my period). I go back to the OB in February, I hope to finish ruling out underlying causes.
My number one "resolution" for the new year is LOSE WEIGHT! I lost a large amount of weight after I had our second child (over 80 pounds), and unfortunately, over the last few years I've gained it all back, and then same. It's frustrating to have to start all over, but I've done it before and I know I can do it again.
I sadly found out that the rescue we adopted our pug from a couple years ago had all of their dogs seized! To be fair, I did feel that they had too many dogs in a small space, but I also think they were kind-hearted people who got in over their heads. We adore our little pug, and I hope everything works out for them and the dogs that were taken.
This will be the first NYE in 7 years that I haven't been pregnant and/or nursing (Finn weaned at 13 months, which I wasn't expecting, since his sisters nursed for over 2 years!) I don't plan on getting drunk (yuck!) but grandma is going to take the little kids so we can have a few friends over for the evening. Have a fun and safe NYE, and don't forget that New Year's day is a Holy Day of Obligation (plus a Sunday, so you should be at Mass, anyway!)

Emmanuel (God with us)

2011-12-23T14:01:00.001-05:00

Holy Scripture tells us that "Pride is the beginning of all sin." (Sirach 10:15) I'm not going to attempt to delve deeply in to that (St. Thomas Aquinas covers it nicely in Summa Theologica, as does CS Lewis in Mere Christianity), but it's an interesting thought, isn't it? We tend to think of pride a positive trait; being proud of one's hard work, proud of your family, etc. But what's the dark side of pride?

As Lewis points out, pride is the root of rebellion. And rebellion, of course, leads to disobedience to the Lord. "Who is GOD to tell me what to do?" People often speak hatefully of the Catholic Church, with our complicated hierarchy that helps to guide Christ's flock. "Who are they to tell me how to live? How dare some celibate old men in funny clothes tell me what to do with my body, or my money, or my family! It's my life and I'll live it how I want!" Who is God to tell us how to live? What right does His Church have to interfere in our private decisions? I think there's often a lot of hurt behind the angry words. People feel that God, and by proxy, His Church, have no right to tell them how to live, because they couldn't possibly understand. Because God seems so far away. Our world is so sick and hurting...so many people feel God is absent from their lives, and instead of fleeing to the comfort of His arms, their pride hardens their hearts against Him, and they turn. But God has written His love on our hearts. There's no hiding from it, and when we refuse to abandon ourselves to that love, our response is to put up angry walls of hatred.

What right does He have? How could He understand?

Our Lord, our all powerful, omnipotent, omnipresent GOD, Alpha and Omega, loves us so earnestly, that He become flesh and dwelt among us. We have the image of the nativity this time of year, but how often do we really stop to ponder what it means? Our GOD not only humbled Himself to become a mere human man, but he came in to the world as a tiny, fragile, helpless infant. He could have come to us, as the Jews expected, as a powerful earthly King. He could have opened up the Heavens, with the trumpets of the angels blaring, bringing fire and brimstone and forcing every knee to bend.

But instead He came, quiet, meek, weak and small. Because we are quiet, meek, weak and small. And really, aren't we? We can puff up our chests with pride and boast about how big and strong we are, we can stomp our feet and thumb our noses and say "We don't need you, God." But inside, our souls cry out to the Lord. Inside, we are tiny, fragile, and helpless. Just as our Lord once was. How could he not understand?

He was born a tiny baby. He offered up His body, broken and abused, on the Cross. He stays with us here on earth, Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity, but under the humble guise of bread and wine. He shows us that true strength is in meekness and humility. True power is in sacrifice and obedience. And true freedom is only found in joyful prostration to our Lord.

This Christmas, when you gaze adoringly at the sweet-cheeked Infant, think of everyone who is lonely and hurting in our sick, lost world, and pray earnestly that they feel the loving arms of God around them, and His peace and grace in their hearts. This is my Christmas wish every year, for myself and everyone.

7 Quick Takes

2011-12-09T10:28:00.000-05:00

I was very heartbroken to hear the news that the Duggar's unborn baby had passed away. Although I have significant theological differences with the Duggar family, I really admire and respect them. I know how painful loss is, and having experienced a second trimester loss myself, I can't imagine going through that pain in the public eye, with the kind of hatred that is spewed at them. Their baby and family are in my prayers.
My little guy sure is getting big. He's coming up on 14 months old, and he's just so funny and such a joy! I love watching him explore and learn.
So I thought my husband and I had compromised on when to put the tree up (December 17). But apparently this was forgotten, as it's sitting next to me. Hmm....
Speaking of which, what is the difference between a family room and living room? We actually have two rooms like that now, so I don't know which is which! (AND we have a dining room! Space! I love it!)
Further thoughts on Christmas trees, what on earth is the point of decorating one when you have small children? The tree looked nice for about 5 minutes. Now half the ornaments are missing, and the other half are all on the top half of the tree, where little hands can't reach. I said it looks silly, dh says it just looks like we have kids!
My 3 year old (4 in March!!) really enjoys going to a local Christian pre-school, but for various reasons, I'll be doing her next year of pre-school at home. Although I tend to dread the thought of doing pre-school and Kindergarten at home, largely because I hate doing kids' crafts and songs (I know, that sounds horrible, but it's true!) but I'm actually looking forward to it. Firstly, I feel kind of lost without homeschooling anyone, and secondly, she's very bright, so it will be interesting to see how she takes to homeschooling.
I haven't knitted or crocheted anything in a couple of years! I miss it, and hope to dig out my knitting supplies this weekend and work on something.

Chicken casserole

2011-12-08T14:05:00.000-05:00

This is a little embarrassing, since it contains a couple cans of "cream of xyz," but I was asked for the recipe, so here you go! (And yes, I know I can make homemade substitutes for the processed "cream of" soups, HOWEVER- I make this casserole for my husband, and he prefers it with the canned stuff!)

1.5-2lbs chicken, cooked and diced
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 can cream of chicken soup
8oz sour cream
1 small can of sliced mushrooms, drained
cooked egg noodles (how much just depends on how noodly you want it; I keep mine in a storage container and usually use 3 or 4 handfuls for this)
French onions, for topping (or, you can use crushed Ritz type crackers tossed with a tbsp or two of melted butter)

I like to mix the soups and sour cream over heat so they're nice and smooth, and I usually put in a bit of milk to thin it out (maybe half a cup). Add in the chicken and mushrooms, mix, toss with the noodles, cover with the onions, and bake at 350 for 25-30 minutes.

I've tried sneaking veggies in to this and I like it, but dh doesn't, so I normally leave it out. But some peas, at least, are a good addition!

Enjoy!

Immaculate Conception

2011-12-08T09:39:00.000-05:00

Today we celebrate the Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary (a Holy Day of Obligation, don't forget). This is probably one of the most misunderstood doctrines of the Catholic Church (even among Catholics!) It does NOT refer to the conception of Jesus Christ. Rather, it refers to the conception of the Blessed Virgin in the womb of her dear mother, St. Ann. The video below gives an excellent explanation of this doctrine.

O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee!

Menu Plan Monday

2011-12-05T08:58:00.000-05:00

Oh, menu planning. This is something I used to be very good about, a little oasis of organization in my normally terribly disorganized life (I'm just not a type A personality, though I wish I was!) I miss doing it, though. There's the obvious perk of knowing what I'm making for dinner every night, which spares me the frustration of digging through the pantry and winging it on dinner. It also saves time and money. I make my grocery list simultaneously, and then when I'm at the store, I know exactly what I need and don't impulse buy. So, I'm dedicating myself to getting back in the swing of it.

Monday- Burritos (I have to take dd2 an hour and a half away for surgery follow-up this afternoon, so dh is making dinner. He is not culinarily inclined, but burritos he can do, and it's one of his favorite foods, so he doesn't mind! If I were more organized, I would have a crockpot meal ready to go, but alas, I didn't think ahead).

Tuesday- Potato and leek soup with homemade bread

Wednesday- Tamale pie with salad

Thursday- Chicken Casserole (not my favorite, but dh loves it!)

Friday- Falafel burgers with Moroccan lentil stew

Nothing fancy! Friday is actually pay day, so I normally do menu planning then; however, we had a super busy weekend, so I didn't get around to it until today! Unless we're very tight on money, I usually don't menu plan breakfast and lunch; we usually have either cold cereal or bacon and eggs for breakfast, and lunch is usually fish-sticks with mac and cheese or sandwiches, maybe leftovers, but at any rate, something simple (it's usually just my toddler, the baby, and me at lunch).

Advent

2011-11-29T12:58:00.000-05:00

This past Sunday, of course, was the first Sunday of the season of Advent. Advent marks the beginning of the liturgical year, and this year's Advent is even more exciting, because it ushered in the new Mass translation. This Sunday was actually our Traditional Latin Mass day (offered once a month in our area), but I was so excited for the new translation, I also went to Vigil Mass Saturday evening. The most awkward part was remembering to say "And with your spirit" instead of "and also with you," but even with that, the changes were no big deal, and much to the dismay of dissident catholics everywhere, the Church didn't implode and we uneducated lay people managed to understand the Mass (even with "big" words like "consubstantial!") We attended TLM as usual the next day, and again, it was so lovely and refreshing to see how much more faithful the "new" translation is.

Luckily, Advent hasn't been commercialized and secularized as Christmas has. The downside is it can be more difficult to underscore to children that Advent and Christmas are two different liturgical seasons. Advent is meaningful and important, and deserves to be celebrated and appreciated for what it is, a time to prepare our hearts and souls for the coming of our Lord, rather than treated merely as a necessity to get to Christmas. It's a deeply spiritual time and I personally feel it's very important to reflect that in our daily lives during Advent. It does not take much time or effort to develop a simple Advent lighting ritual in our homes. We have a wonderful book of Catholic Devotions that has many devotions for the liturgical year. It has many wonderful devotions for Advent that we use every day. Every evening we gather as a family to light our Advent wreath and pray.

(O Come O Come Emmanuel, a beautiful hymn based on the December 23 Antiphon)

Another way I like to honor Advent is by holding off on the tree. I would personally prefer not to put it up until December 24th, but my husband and children like it up earlier, so we compromise by putting it up on December 17th, with the start of the O Antiphons. We may decorate with evergreen and simple lights, but I try to hold off on the things that are explicitly Christmas-y. And of course, there's always the nativity! We set up our nativity, less the baby Jesus and the Magi, at the start of Advent (although this year it isn't up yet, as it's packed away and hasn't yet been found!) I love the look of the nativity scene during Advent, with Mary and Joseph patiently awaiting the Christ Child.

We are so blessed in our Catholic faith to have two thousand+ years of rich tradition to draw off of. What Advent traditions does your family observe?

2011-11-24T08:57:00.000-05:00

A friend has asked her friends to pick a child from Reece's Rainbow to share, in hopes of finding their family (one child already has a family pursuing adoption thanks to this effort!) When I saw Francine, I knew she was the child I needed to share. She reminds me of my special needs daughter, Riley (same hair and eye color, and the both have CP). Unfortunately we aren't yet in a position to adopt ourselves (though it's something we'd like to pursue in the future), but maybe you are! Did you know that in many foreign countries, special needs children only have a few years in an orphanage to be adopted? If they aren't adopted at the end of their time, they're institutionalized, which condemns them to a sad and lonely life devoid of love and affection. If you aren't able or called to adopt at this time, please pray that Francine finds her family, and consider donating to help fund her adoption. God bless, and happy Thanksgiving!

Are you Francince's family?

Thankful

2011-11-23T10:14:00.000-05:00

Give thanks to the LORD, invoke His name; make known among the nations His deeds. Sing to Him, sing His praise, proclaim all His wondrous deeds. Glory in His holy name; rejoice, O hearts that seek the LORD! [1CHRON 16:8-10]

In the day of retribution riches will be useless, but uprightness delivers from death.-Proverbs 11:4

My grandmother had this painting hanging in her kitchen. She wasn't a religious woman (at least, not until she was diagnosed with advanced stage pancreatic cancer), but she always had this picture up, and I loved it. An elderly man, all alone (as sadly, many elderly people are these days), eating a simple, humble meal of soup and bread, yet he still stops to give thanks to God. Thankfulness is on our minds this time of year, but are we truly thankful? Do we mean it, deep in our hearts? Or do we think, "I'm thankful for xyz, BUT..." while longing for more than we need? Of course, the Lord wants us to come to Him with our petitions, but we're also warned against covetousness (something important enough that it covers two of the 10 Commandments). True thankfulness is perhaps something we find difficult when we are blessed to live in a prosperous and affluent country. That's seems counter-intuitive, doesn't it? You would think that more "stuff" you have, the happier you would be. You would think that the less you want for in your life, the happier you would be. Yet study after study has shown this is false. Stuff doesn't make us happy. Things don't fill the emptiness in our hearts. Suicide rates skyrocket during the holidays, and why? Loneliness. Pain. Emptiness. In a country of wealth the likes of which most people on this earth can only dream of, people are filled with hopelessness and despair to the point they see no other avenue than death. That is heartbreaking.

How blessed the nation whose God is Yahweh, the people he has chosen as his heritage. -Psalms 33:12

The Holy Father recently visited Africa. I'm consistently amazed and humbled by the people of Africa. They have so little. They know so much pain. And yet, joy and love absolutely radiates from them. They love God passionately, and they are earnestly thankful to Him for what they do have. I'm sure there are many reasons we could find for this, and I don't mean to oversimplify or stereotype, or to discount the very real troubles they face, but the biggest difference I see between the people of the west and the people of Africa is God and family. God and family don't just come first individually, person to person, but as a whole, as a nation. Leaders are unafraid to openly praise God and thank God. God comes first. Here, even if our families personally put God first, our society sure doesn't. Or nation sure doesn't. The majority of our leaders don't, and even if they do, they're often afraid to speak it openly. What hope is there for a nation that has forsaken God? For the nation and kingdom that will not serve You will perish, and the nations will be utterly destroyed.- Isaiah 60:12

So am I thankful for what God has blessed me with- a lovely home, a beautiful family, a hard-working husband, a comfortable financial situation in comparison to the rest of the world. But most of all I am thankful for the gift of grace He has given me, the blessing that it is to desire Him and love Him. And I earnestly pray that our people and our nation receive this gift of grace, and once again give glory and praise to our Lord!

Happy Thanksgiving, and many blessings to you all!

For by grace you are saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, for it is the gift of God.--Ephesians 2:8

We're in!

2011-11-20T12:52:00.000-05:00

We finally got moved in to our new home last Sunday! We just got our internet hooked up yesterday. What a relief it is, I'm telling you. Particularly awesome that I only had to get gas once last week, instead of 3 or 4 times. We "power moved" all day last Sunday, because dh had to start his 4 days on (12 hour shifts) that Monday. So we got all the big stuff in with the help of a few family and friends, and then I did the bulk of the unpacking (of course, there's still plenty more to do!) I love my house! And it's so nice having so much room (we went from 1K sq ft to about 2300, quite a change!) Here are a couple pictures.


Built-china cabinet (the house was built in 1900, and most of the woodwork, handles, hinges, doors, etc are all original!)

Turn of the century fireplace (not currently functional, I need to call a chimney sweep to come check it out.

Can't resist adding a sweet little baby bum :) He's 13 months now and starting to walk independently!

7 Quick Takes

2011-11-04T09:22:00.000-04:00

Riley, our 6 year old with special needs, can write an "R" all by herself! I'm so proud of her. Her vision and fine motor skills are both extremely poor, so I was quite surprised. I can't say enough how much I love her school and how wonderful they've been for her.
Speaking of Riley, she had eye surgery October 14th to correct her strabismus (eye turning out). The first day of surgery was really hard on her, but by the next morning she was pretty much her old self. It's been about two and a half weeks now, and her eye looks great, so nice and straight!
While we're on a Riley roll, I might as well add in that putting her on Strattera for her ADHD is probably one of the best decisions we've ever made. It's been absolutely wonderful for her, and she has made significant academic progress since starting it. Her personality is exactly the same (no "zombification" at all), she's just able to stay relatively calm and focus and listen.
Other news- We closed on our house! Yay! No more dealing with grumpy underwriters and appraisers! We still have about 12 more days before we can move in (she asked for up to 2 weeks after closing to get all her stuff out) but at least there's an end in sight! I can't wait to move in :)
We are blessed to live near the historic Tippecanoe Battlefield, a site that was pivotal in the fighting between Natives and settlers. My husbands parents (now deceased) were history buffs and re-enactors, and late 18th/early 19th century is the era they portrayed (my family and his sister's family try to carry this on!) Anyway, there used to be many re-enactments out there that their family participated in, and this weekend marks the 200th anniversary of the Battle of Tippecanoe. There's going to be a re-enactment in honor of the battle, so that's where you'll find us this Saturday! Possible in our period clothing, if I can find it buried in our storage unit :)
I am having a Demarle at Home party at the new house November 21! If anyone local is interested, I need your address to send out invitations.
Because of my awful carb addiction, I've been eating low-carb for the last two weeks, and have lost 9 pounds so far! Many more to go, but it's a start!

Atheist to Catholic-Stories of Conversion

2011-10-31T19:05:00.001-04:00

I'd been waiting for this book to come out, so when I saw it on the reviews list, I jumped for it! (It's been awhile since I got it, please forgive my tardiness). I knew that Jennifer Fulwiler had an essay in it (I heard of the book through her blog) but I didn't realize that the Raving Theist (fka Raving Atheist) was included. I had read RT's blog a few times prior to his conversion, and then of course, afterwards. I also spoke to him briefly in private. He never did go much in to detail, and I'm said to see he's no longer blogging, but I was definitely eager to hear more of his story.

The book is short and sweet (116 pages) and a very quick read. As different as each story was, I also very much enjoyed noting the common threads in each. I love conversion stories in general, and of course, atheist conversions in particular.

This review was written as a part of the reviewer program for The Catholic Company.

Housing update

2011-10-30T11:55:00.000-04:00

So when I last posted we had sold our house and moved into my mother's house for what we thought would just be the weekend, since we were set to close on the house we were buying on Monday. To make a long story short, that didn't happen, and a month later we are still living with my mother! The house we were buying fell through at the last minute (again, long story, but basically the terms of the loan got changed October 3 and pretty much we no longer qualified for that house). It was such a pretty house, and of course at first we were very upset, especially as we had thought it was for sure ours for the last month and had been busy falling in love with it and discussing what we would do with it. But we're okay with it now, and truthfully, in hindsight, it's all working out for the best. The house was lovely, but did have a number of things wrong wtih it that were not going to be cheap to fix (like, a big section of roof that needed replaced) We have an accepted offer on another house (on the same street, funny enough!) that's 35K less, is bigger, and has one more bedroom (4 instead of 3!). It needs some redecorating, but it's in great shape and there's nothing major or expensive to fix in it.

We should be closing early this coming week, however, the lady we are buying it from asked for up to two weeks after closing to get all of her things out. We didn't really want to do that, but they had other offers coming in and we got it for a great price (only 78K!! for a historic 4 bedroom 2200+ sq ft house with lots of original wood work and a built in china cabinet in the dining room, very well maintained).

It's been tough because my mother lives 45 minutes away from work and school, and gas is killing me! We didn't end up with much money from closing on our house, then we lost $650 on the first house (appraisal and inspection) and what's left has been eaten up in gas. But there's an end in sight and I am so ready to be done and moved into my house!! Please pray the rest of this goes smoothly, my stress levels are just through the roof and it's been one of those situations where everything that could go wrong has.

2011-10-03T16:00:00.002-04:00

Has it been over a month since I posted? Yikes!

Well, surprising I'm sure, but moving has not gone smoothly! I'm too tired and stressed out to go into detail, but we'll just say that we finally closed on selling our house on Friday, and are supposed to be closing on the home we're buying tomorrow afternoon. Please pray that it goes smoothly!

2011-09-09T13:55:00.001-04:00

Picture not mine, couldn't find an attribution

So sorry that I haven't really been around much lately, or that what I've posted hasn't been anything substantial! There's probably a variety of reasons for that. One thing I've been thinking of lately is where I am spiritually. We converted 4 years ago, so I feel at the point where the initial zeal of conversion has died down. It's a bit of a crossroads, I think, where your faith either fades away, or matures. I've known people who jumped from denomination/religion to denomination/religion and I think that played a part- every few years, after the fire dies down, they search for something new to reignite it (not unlike how some people treat their spouses/significant others!)

It's amazing what a big effect it has on my entire life when I'm feeling spiritually "down." Our modern, secular society very much compartmentalizes our faith- it's okay to do "religious stuff" on holidays and maybe Sunday, but to have your faith be an integral part of your every day life is seen as bizarre and gets you labeled as a religious nut. None of us are completely free of this secular influence, and so I think we can really underestimate the positive influence a strong faith life has on the "other" areas of our life (though really, there are no "other" areas, everything we have and do is for the Lord!) I know whenever I really I've been exceptionally snippy, argumentative, depressed, etc, I can look back and see it coincides with a "dry spell." Have I been doing a daily rosary? When's the last time I went to Christ in the Sacrament of Confession? Have I been following the daily Mass readings and reading the Bible every day? Almost always, the answer is "no."

It's definitely one of those "vicious cycles," at least for me! I feel down spiritually or emotionally and start slacking in my faith life, which just makes me feel even more down (spiritually AND emotionally). I start committing little venial sins, almost out of spite, and then it progresses into more serious sins. Before I know it, I'm having a pity party and questioning why I ever bothered converting in the first. While I very occasionally had these periods early in my conversion, they were pretty brief and easy to get over. The farther out I get from my initial conversion, the longer those periods get when they come, and the harder they are to get over. As I mentioned above, I think this is partially because the zeal of conversion has worn off, and it's time for your faith to mature and grow. The question is, of course, how do you do that? I don't have a perfect answer (obviously!), but I have a couple of thoughts.

Firstly, I think it's important to acknowledge the fact that spiritual attack is very real. The devil is real, demons are real, and they're actively looking to turn you from Christ. The devil hates Christ, hates His Church, and wants nothing more than your soul. It's not something many Christians want to talk about, for fear of looking ignorant or superstitious, but pretending it's not a very real threat is extremely dangerous. (Read CS Lewis' Screwtape Letters, if you haven't already!)

For me, getting back on track and rising out of that spiritual dry spells usually starts with a good, sincere confession. Often when I've fallen into a funk, I'm feeling dejected and unworthy. I know I "should" be reading my Bible and coming to Christ in prayer, but it's hard for me to overcome my apathetic "what's the point?" mindset. Confession helps me feel cleansed and freed from that. Much like with my husband, I think- if I've sparked argument, I might think about the ways wecould be connected, but until I've come and said "I'm sorry," it's hard to find the desire or courage. It's extremely unfortunate that modern Catholics use this Sacrament so infrequently (and I'm counting myself among them!) It's often spoken of with a sense of dread, but we should recognize that Confession is a gift, not a punishment or a chore. The priest is there to guide us and administer the Sacrament, much as in Baptism, but truly, we're meeting with Christ and reconciling ourselves to Him. It's a beautiful expression of God's mercy and love for us, and something we shouldn't fear. There's nothing we've done that's unforgivable, and God earnestly wants us freed from the burden of our sins.

2011-09-05T09:59:00.000-04:00

Our offer on the house we wanted was accepted! We're hoping to close on the same day we close on selling our home (September 23), so the next couple of weeks are going to be hectic. We're about halfway through packing, though. Here are some pictures, we're very enamored with the house!

7 Quick Takes

2011-08-26T19:11:00.000-04:00

I think at this point, roughly 90% of my blog is 7 Quick Takes. Does this signify a lack of dedication on my part, or what? Oh, well.
Packing, packing, packing. For some reason, I decided we should just hand over the house the day we close, instead of taking the 30 extra days they had offered (which would have included putting 1K into escrow since we'd technically be, you know, living in someone else's house). Of course, that means I have to have my house empty the day we move. Even though I won't have another house to move in to until the same day. So storage unit, it is!
So...back in March we traded in our old van (it was coming up on 200K miles and getting rather clunky). Our DMV has bizarre hours, my husband works 3rd shift, 12 hour days..long story short, we finally got around to doing our title, registration, and plate renewal today. Which ah, basically just ate up half the money I had set aside for our earnest money. Oops.
School started last week. It feels strange not to be homeschooling anyone this year. People keep asking me if I'm "enjoying" having both the older kids in school, but honestly, I've been so busy I haven't really noticed! Between packing I work from home (auditing calls for a call center) and take care of the little ones. I feel just as busy as before, truthfully.
Dd2 was diagnosed with ADHD by her neurologist (who has literally been seeing her since she was born- he was the neurologist that saw her in the NICU). After a failed attempt at a sleep study, we started her on Strattera. And no, I'm not interested at all in anyone's opinion on ADHD or how to treat it (yet the few people I've told seem to think I'm pining away for their opinion, including an aunt who basically said I'm just a horrible mother who lets her run wild, among other things).
I've decided to start taking violin lessons alongside dd1. Yeah, I'm a gigantic nerd. It's never too late to learn, right?
Finn is 10.5 months old. Cruising, starting to talk, generally being a big boy and breaking my heart because I want him to stay little forever. I realized this morning that although I've taken plenty of pictures of him, I've yet to have any sent over to be developed. Come to think of it, I have easily hundreds of pictures spanning the last decade (did I mention dd1 turned 10 this month?!) that need printed out and put into photo albums.

2011-08-13T11:22:00.000-04:00

Things are moving for us on the house front! We put our house on the market and had an offer 2 days later, which we accepted. The home inspection on our house is tomorrow, prayers that it goes well. I'm not anticipating anything since we just bought the house 7 years ago and everything was fine, but you never know! We have a house that we want to put an offer on, but because of a late payment last August we have to wait until September 1st. The house we're interested in has been up for sale for over a year, so we're hoping no one else comes in in the next 3 weeks and puts an offer in. We're hoping to close at the end of September, we appreciate prayers that everything goes smoothly!

Catholic iPhone Apps

2011-08-03T11:47:00.001-04:00

So, a couple of months ago I treated myself to an older model, refurbished iPhone when renewing my cell phone contract (we don't use a land-line). Can't go wrong for $19! I've found a number of great Catholic apps that I love, and wanted to share.

iRosary- This one was $2.99, a bit pricey, but worth it! You can customize the rosary that you manually move as you pray. Beautiful artwork to accompany the various mysteries, and you can also change the language (including Latin). Also includes the Chaplet of the Divine Mercy and Loreto Litanies.

Confession: A Roman Catholic App- $1.99 Yes, there actually is an app for that! Obviously, this does not *replace* confession, but is designed to take along aide you. I love this one! I know I struggle to remember everything, especially when I'm nervous, but I hate to write my sins down for fear of the list being found (because, of course, I usually leave any lists I make at home!) You can have multiple users with password protected profiles on this app, so dh, dd1, and I can all use it safely and privately. The app guides you through your examination of conscience, based on your vocation, and then populates a confession guide. You can also customize which Act of Contrition you'd like to use.

Compline- FREE! Liturgy of the Hours night prayers. Love this! Such an easy way to incorporate the Liturgy of the Hours. Audio recording accompanies textual prayers, and a neat option to see a global view of who else is using the app along with you. Very neat.

iBreviary- FREE! Includes the complete Liturgy of the Hours, of course, though only in text (no accompanying audio, as with the Compline app), and formatted exactly as it is in the printed version. Also includes missal, a huge amount of Catholic prayers, and even rites. Very awesome app!

Word on Fire- FREE! Keeps you up to date on Fr. Barron's ministry with the latest news, sermons, videos, articles, etc. Fr. Barron is a fantastic defender of the Faith, I love having his videos, in particular, at my finger tips where ever I go.

Evangelizo- FREE! A simple app that takes you right to the daily Gospel and Mass readings. Also includes information on Saints for each day, as well as common prayers.

I have some others, but these are my best-loved and most used. If you have not listed here, please do share!

Missal changes and TLM

2011-07-26T09:49:00.000-04:00

Like many Catholics, I've been going over the missal changes in anticipation of their implementation (just 124 more days to go!) There has been some resistance, and I think that this is because many Catholics have never attended traditional Latin Mass, and because of that, have no frame of reference for the "changes" (which are not "changes" really, but corrections). TLM is only offered once a month in my area, and we always go (weather/health/etc permitting). I was very excited and joyful this past Sunday to attend and have that hands on reminder of how much more accurate and beautiful the new missal is going to be! I really encourage every one to attend TLM if you have the chance, especially if you've never been. Go over the missal changes before hand, so you can really get a sense of how wonderful the new translation is.

I hope the new missal is a first step in reclaiming the beauty and sacredness of the Mass, something I fear has largely been sacrificed in the name of modernity and popularity.

7 Quick Takes

2011-07-15T10:03:00.000-04:00

Well, since I haven't done a "real" post for awhile, let's just do 7 Quick Takes, okay?

It's 4-H fair week. Also known as the third circle of Hell. I dropped the ball and did not get dd1's foods project in on time (I thought it was due Thursday; it was actually due Wednesday). I sat in the bathroom and sobbed for a good 10 minutes because obviously, I'm a horrible mother. I hate 4-H and we're not doing it next year unless she REALLY REALLY REALLY wants to. And even then I think we won't.
Dds 1-3 are taking swim lessons at the city pool and having a blast. And they've done a great job with dd2 and her special needs. Dd2 is also doing a 5 week physical activity program for kids with special needs through Purdue University (Pete's Pals). It's great! Every Wednesday she gets to do an hour of gym time and then an hour of swimming with her own physical therapist. She adorably refers to it as "Pizza Pals."
Speaking of dd2, yesterday was her birthday! She is now 6 years old. I never could have imagined when she was born that she would be doing so well. Yesterday was also Bl. Kateri's feast day, and we are still asking her for her intercessory prayers! If you are praying along with us for a miracle, please let me know! She will also be having her eye surgery in September, and she lost both her front teeth last week!
My little boy is doing great, he is 9 months old now. He's starting to sleep more at night, which is nice because I've been feeling chronically sleep deprived. I think he'll walk later than dd1 and dd3 did, but considering they were walking at 10 and 11 months, that's okay with me! He had a WBV yesterday and he's 16lbs 12oz, so he gained but did fall from the 50th percentile to the 3rd. BUT, he grew 3 inches and he's much more active than he was at his 6 month visit, so I'm not concerned.
I was supposed to go to the local roller derby match with a girlfriend this weekend, but she broke her foot! I very rarely go do anything that doesn't involve the kids, which is fine, but since it's a rare occasion, I was really looking forward to it. I think I might go see the new Harry Potter movie with my mom, instead!
I've been obsessively checking the house we love...still has had no offers, and my real estate agent said we are the only ones who have even looked at it recently. We can't put an offer in until the beginning of August (we fell a couple of payments behind on our mortgage when dh lost his job, and we have to have a year of no late payments to get pre-approved, which will be this August!) Oh well, I try to keep in mind that God will take us where He wants to be and not stress too much over it!
I've been waiting on a small check from my SIL, and was disappointed when I got the mail yesterday and it hadn't arrived yet. BUT...I did have a LARGE check for escrow overpayment from our mortgage company! What a blessing! Dh has been working 4 days on 4 days off (12 hour shifts) and this month the pay cycle is weird because he has to work on the weekends, so his checks were significantly smaller. I hadn't prepared for that so we were behind (but for the first time this year!) on bills. So now we are all squared away with a little left over, yay!

2011-07-09T12:28:00.000-04:00

Things have been very busy over here, I feel like I've hardly had time to stop and breathe. Just normal summer "vacation" busyness! I did my first canning of the year the other day, green beans from the garden and blueberry jam, from blueberries we picked at a farm down the road. The jam is AWESOME.

We are working on getting our house ready to put on the market, and house hunting. We found one we absolutely love, but it's in town...

Two birthdays coming up, for dd1 and dd2!

2011-06-21T12:20:00.000-04:00

Andrea!! Send me an invite for your blog!! cherrybomb77@gmail.com

A vent...

2011-06-17T23:00:00.001-04:00

My 5 (soon to be 6) year old daughter has a number of special needs. One of these is something called Cortical Visual Impairment (CVI). It basically means her eyes themselves are fine, but her brain doesn't process what she sees correctly (a stroke obliterated her occipital lobe, which processes visual input).
I know most people have no clue what it is. But I get tired of explaining it sometimes. I get tired of trying to explain why one moment she may seem totally blind, and another moment you might not even notice she has any visul impairment at all. But I do it anyway, because I know most people just don't know, and I try to do it politely and cheerfully.

But what I really hate are people who see her struggling with her vision and make comments to me about how I should get her glasses.

Don't you think that if glasses would do her a damn bit of good that I would get them for her? Do you think there is ANYTHING I would not do for her? What's the insinuation here? That I'm neglectful, and either haven't noticed she's visually impaired, or just don't care enough to get it taken care of? Or that I'm just stupid? What? Even worse is when I charitably explain why glasses will do her zero good and people just huff and look at me like I have no clue what I'm talking about. She's my daughter. She's been my daughter for nearly 6 year. I religiously take her to all of her appointments with specialists, including the pediatric opthamologist who sees her every 6 months. I know what I'm doing, and I really wish strangers would give parents of kids with disabilities the benefit of the doubt. We know our children. We know how to care for them. No matter how well-intentioned someone's unsolicited advice might be, it's just annoying and frustrating.

New Blog

2011-06-07T13:31:00.000-04:00

I finally succeeded in getting my sister-in-law to restart a blog! You can check her out at Culloden House Farms, blogging about classical homeschooling, homesteading, traditional foods, and more!

Coq au vin

2011-05-28T13:44:00.000-04:00

I truly enjoy cooking (well, most of the time...), but I'm also a bit stuck in the "country girl" cooking mode. I could live and die Pioneer Woman cooking. Which is delicious and all, but I've been wanting to stretch my culinary wings a bit lately. So I decided to start out with coq au vin, a classic French dish that literally means "rooster in wine." I more or less followed the recipe out of my Betty Crocker Cookbook. I was NOT taught cook growing up (my mother can barely make toast!), and an older version of this cookbook is the first cookbook I ever owned. I love it, and I owe my ability to cook at all largely to the great instructions and explanations in this book! Anyway, on to the food...

1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
3-3.5 lbs cut up whole chicken
8 slices bacon
3/4 cup frozen pearl onions
8oz sliced fresh mushrooms
1 cup chicken broth (homemade is best!!)
1 cup dry red wine
1/2 tsp salt
4 medium carrots, peeled and cut into 2 in pieces
1 clove garlic, finely chopped
Bouquet garni (a couple sprigs of thyme, parsley, and a bayleaf tied up in cheese cloth)

Cut up the bacon and throw it in the frying pan. While that cooks, mix the salt and pepper with the flour and coat the chicken. After the bacon is crisp, remove it (do NOT drain the grease).

Add the chicken to the bacon grease and fry on all sides until nice and brown. I had to do mine in batches in my dutch oven. Once it's all browned remove it (and again, do NOT drain the grease).

Add the mushrooms and the pearl onions and cook over medium heat about 6 minutes.

While that cooks ready your bouquet garni.

And your carrots!

Add in the rest of the ingredients and put the chicken back in. I added in enough water to just cover the chicken. Bring to a boil and cover, reduce to low, and simmer until the chicken is nice and tender. Remove the bouquet garni and it's ready to go.

Delicious! The family loved it, even my picky little girls :)

Judgment Day

2011-05-21T17:18:00.000-04:00

Make no mistake- Time WILL end. It won't, however, happen anytime today. (And, if it does, it's purely coincidence). Read Matthew 24- Our Lord tells us what the days leading up to it will be like, but He also tells us that we will not have foreknowledge of the exact date and time of His second coming. He tells us to guard ourselves against those looking to deceive us.
Look! I have given you warning.If, then, they say to you, "Look, he is in the desert," do not go there; "Look, he is in some hiding place," do not believe it; because the coming of the Son of man will be like lightning striking in the east and flashing far into the west. Matthew 24:25-27
But as for that day and hour, nobody knows it, neither the angels of heaven, nor the Son, no one but the Father alone. Matthew 24:36

I'm not worried about Judgment Day coming today. When I die, my soul will be judged by God, and I pray that I die in a state of grace. If I do, I have nothing to fear. One day the Last Judgment will come, the souls in Purgatory will be released to Heaven, and all in Heaven will enjoy the life of the world to come!

2011-05-18T10:19:00.000-04:00

Blogger seems to be back up and working, yay!

Earlier this month dh was hired on permanently, thank you so much to everyone who has prayed for us over the last year and a half. We truly appreciate it!

Dd2 saw her ophthalmologist a few weeks ago, he said we can do surgery on her right eye for her strabismus whenever we are ready. He suggested we meet with an ENT to see if her adenoids and/or tonsils need removed so that we can do it all at the same time and only have to put her under GA once, so I need to get on that. Please keep asking Bl. Kateri for her intercession!

Dd1 had an evaluation with the local elementary school and did so well the woman only gave her half of the test. She's very excited to go to public school next year. I'm less than thrilled, but it's a nice school and they've been wonderful with Riley, so I'm sure it will be okay. My current plan is to let her go for 4th and 5th and then bring her back home. Dd3 will go to pre-school twice a week next year (I had always planned to have her do preK and Kindergarten, I do not enjoy homeschooling those years).

We are hoping to sell our house and buy a larger one towards the end of the year. I'm really hoping we can find what we need out in the REAL country on a few acres of land! And that we can sell our house in a timely manner for a decent price!

2011-05-07T10:11:00.002-04:00

Blogger seems to have eaten my "blogs I'm following" list. I had an awful lot, and can't even remember most of them! :(

Solace in Suffering

2011-05-05T14:15:00.000-04:00

Thomas a Kempis was a Swiss monk who lived in the 15th century. Solace in Suffering is a collection of writings taken out of his immensely popular Imitation of Christ. Because these are exerts from a longer book, the chapters are short but hard-hitting, theologically. Kempis' work is well-translated, giving the essence of his words while still being engaging and relatively easy for modern readers understand (in the past I've had difficulty digesting Medieval era books simply because the writing style is translated archaic and difficult to get into). It's interesting to me to see just how relevant something written hundreds of years ago still is today, how Kempis addresses spiritual concerns I often see modern writers also attempting to tackle. A few lines that stood out to me-

You know well how to excuse and gloss over your own deeds, but you will not accept the excuses of others. It is more just for you to accuse yourself and to excuse another. (Yikes, is he keep an eye on me, or something? I know I'm too often guilty of this!)

In order to keep us humble, it is often helpful for others to know our faults and reprimand us. (Do you take it well when someone reprimands you? I sure don't...but I should, when it's given in loving Christian charity).

Sometimes, although spared great temptations, we are often overcome in daily little ones. (Wow...very true, though this isn't something I've really contemplated. I'm luckily largely free of "great temptations," but I really am overcome by this "little daily ones." What folly it is to think ourselves "safe" because we've managed to avoid those big temptations!)

Of what use it is to argue profoundly about the Trinity if you have no humility and consequently are displeasing to the Trinity? In truth, sublime words do not make one holy and just. However, a virtuous life makes one dear to God. For my part, I would rather feel repentance than be able to define it. [emphasis mine] (I re-read this part over and over...it was definitely one of those moments where I felt God was bonking me over the head and saying "Hey, pay attention to this!" )

Christ was despised by people in this world. In His greatest need He was forsaken by His acquaintances and friends in the midst of insults. Christ was willing to suffer and to be despised- how do you dare complain of anything? Christ had enemies and detractors- do you expect everyone to be your friends and benefactors? How will your patience be rewarded if you have no adversity? If you cannot endure contradiction, how can you claim to be a friend of Christ? "If we endure, we will also reign with him" (2 Tim 2:12) (We say this a lot, that as Christians we should expect to suffer, should expect the world to hate and mock us...yet how many of us really accept that, deep down? Are we really okay with it, or do we try to toe a line between being Christian and being popular? If we're not willing to truly embrace rejection and suffering for Him, then we're really no better than those that abandoned and rejected Him during the time leading up to His Passion).

I could go on and on; I could easily sit here and quote the whole book. It's inexpensive, relatively short, and easy to read, one I definitely recommend, especially for busy moms who might not have time to sit and devour the full length Imitation of Christ.

This review was written as part of the Catholic book reviewer program from The Catholic Company.

6 things I'm tired of hearing

2011-04-30T11:10:00.000-04:00

I hear these things a lot, and I imagine other people hear this stuff, too, so I thought I'd jot them down along with the rebuttals that are always in my head. (And it's not directed at anyone specific, so no worries if you've ever found yourself saying any of these things!) It's meant to be fairly light-hearted, so don't take it as me being angry :)

"Did that hurt?" In reference to my tattoos. No, being stabbed repeatedly with a tiny needle for hours at a time is a pleasant sensation. Of COURSE it hurts.
"Do you know Person X, who has tattoos? Or Person Y, who is a tattoo artist?" No, I don't. Do you know every other person who asks silly questions? Why would I know your cousin who lives in another state, just because he has a tattoo? Or Bob the tattooist who lives in Alaska, thousands of miles away from me? This is only a reasonable question if you're asking me about a local tattoo shop.
"Do you know what causes that?" In reference to pregnancy. And whoever says it always laughs it up like it's terribly clever and they're the only one who's ever said that to me. My chiropractor gave me this line every.single.week at my appointment. Just answer with deadpan "Yes. Sex." Or, as my husband does "Yeah, and we're obviously pretty good at it."
"You have your hands full!" Usually said when I have all the kids with me and one or more is being a hooligan. "Better full than empty!" is what I say when I'm feeling charitable. I grunt when I'm not. And if I only have two or three of the kids with me when I get this one, I get a kick out of informing them that there's more at home. (Is having 4 kids really that weird??)
"I don't need a religion, I have a relationship with Jesus." Said smugly in response to learning I'm a Catholic Christian. The implication is, of course, that because I have a specific religion, I obviously don't have a relationship with Christ. Newsflash: I have that religion because of my relationship with Christ. The two are not mutually exclusive.
"But all the Catholics I know use birth control!" Well, la-dee-dah for all the Catholics you know! The Church is not a democracy. The number of Catholics using birth control has zero to do with whether it's acceptable to God and the Church, and zero to do with whether or not I personally use it. And didn't your mother ever pose the bridge scenario to you? I'm not in to peer pressure, thanks.

2011-04-28T16:46:00.000-04:00

I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with blogging, if you haven't noticed (which is why I go long periods without posting, and then post a bunch in a row). Especially lately... A lot of people seem invested in promoting their blogs and getting more readers, which honestly is something I've never had a desire for. More people just feels like more pressure to "perform" and it stresses me out. At the same time, any time I lose a "follower," it makes me feel inadequate ("What did I do wrong? Why don't they like me?") I think that's largely a personal character flaw. When I was diagnosed with BPD, the therapist gave me a book to have family read called "I Hate You; Don't Leave Me" and gosh, that sure sums me up! But I wonder if other "bloggers" have similar feelings? It's part of the reason I have seriously considering just dropping Blogger all together; it doesn't seem very healthy about such things. Still not sure about that. In the meantime, I've decided to just try out being a little more open and honest. Maybe that will allow me to feel a little more free to post what's on my mind. :)

2011-04-27T13:52:00.000-04:00

I had my garden tilled last week, and picked up some seeds today. I'm hoping for a break in the rain so the soil can dry out enough to plant sometime this week. This year I'm planning on potatoes, onions, green beans, pickling cucumbers, zucchini, and tomatoes. And of course, I have my peach and cherry trees (which are blooming and look so lovely).

Dh's boss verified that he will be hiring him on permanently after his ManPower contract is up. He'll be first in line for the ax if business slows down a lot, though, so prayers that business stays good for them! Thank you to all who have prayed for us during this time, we appreciate it greatly.

I could also also use some prayers for my mental health. I have been feeling a familiar darkness coming on, and I'm not sure if it's postpartum related or my old issues surfacing. Either way, prayers are appreciated!

Alleluia! Christ is risen!

2011-04-24T08:47:00.002-04:00

Truly, He is risen!

7 Quick Takes

2011-04-15T12:51:00.000-04:00

I am LOVING the weather! So nice to be able to open up the windows and get outside.
Dd1 has her evaluation up at the school next week. I know that overall she's on target, but she's not the best test taker.
Dd3 is 3 years old and boy, is she a handful! So funny because she was such an easy baby- she never cried, hardly fussed, she was always happy and cheerful. She's really making up for lost time! She keeps me on my toes, but I just love her to pieces.
Dh says his boss is happy with how he's doing. Another 4 weeks or so and we should know if they are going to keep him on permanently.
My two nephews will have their First Holy Communion next month, which is a great excuse to get out to Ohio to see my sister-in-law and her family. They haven't met Finnegan yet, so that will be wonderful!
Holy Week starts this Sunday with Palm Sunday. I love Holy Week, so I'm very excited.
I've lost a few pounds at Curves already, which helping me to get my motivation for eating better back.

Stations of the Cross

2011-04-07T16:31:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite Lenten devotions is the Stations of the Cross. For me, it's a way to make a very personal connection with Christ's Passion, and prepare my heart for the joy of Easter. Our parish, like many, offers this devotion led by our priest every Friday during Lent, and it's something I try not to miss. Our oldest daughter enjoys going, as well. Last Friday's Stations was even more moving, because it was also Benediction! It was almost overwhelming to kneel before Christ in the Monstrance while following the steps He took to Golgotha!

I think often during Stations about the crosses God has asked me to bear, and more specifically, how I react to them. Am I embracing them, or am I pushing them away? At the 2nd Station we say-

Consider, that Jesus, in making this journey with the cross on His shoulders, thought of us, and offered for us, to His Father, the death that He was about to undergo. My most beloved Jesus, I embrace all the tribulations that Thou hast destined for me until death. I beseech Thee, by the merits of the pain Thou didst suffer in carrying Thy cross, to give me the necessary help to carry mine with perfect patience and resignation. I love Thee, Jesus, my love, I repent of having offended Thee. Never permit me to separate myself from Thee again. Grant that I may love Thee always, and then do with me what Thou wilt.

All that Christ has given me, and all that He has suffered for me! I've been given many crosses to bear in my life, but He doesn't ask me to bear them alone! Christ is always with us, and His grace is sufficient to bear our burdens. He is steadfast, and when we embrace that which He has destined for us, it speaks to our trust in Him, our acknowledgment and understanding that He truly is with us, filling us with His love and grace as we soldier on! Our God is great, and He has never asked us to suffer alone.

10 years!

2011-04-06T15:39:00.000-04:00

Today is a milestone, marriage wise- 10 years! Sure seems to have gone by quickly. Marriage is hard work, it has not always been easy. But I know we are blessed, and I thank God for my husband and look forward to seeing what the next 10 years will bring :)

Finnegan!

2011-04-02T09:04:00.000-04:00

As requested, here are some pictures of my little man! (Apparently I haven't posted pictures here since JANUARY! Oops! I post a ton on Facebook, so if you're on there and want to add me, let me know!)

7 Quick Takes

2011-04-01T08:14:00.000-04:00

Our parish does Stations of the Cross every Friday during Lent, which for some reason, I've only remembered to go to once! Let's hope I remember to go tonight, I think it's a wonderful devotion, and I really enjoy doing it.
My chickens are in their new home! I'm sure they'll enjoy it, but we will miss them, especially little Bessie.
I'm reading Solace in Suffering, writings of Thomas a Kempis for my reviewer program, very good and appropriate for the Lenten season. I should have a review up soon!
Finn is getting big! He's 5.5 months old now. I love him bunches. (His sitting on my lap chattering away and slobbering on my arm as I type). His sisters are pretty enamored with him, too.
I renewed my Curves membership! I had great results with them before, and only quit to help save money. It's frustrating how much weight I've got to lose, after working so hard after dd2 to lose it, but it will come off (I hope!!)
I also started reading the Wheel of Time series (fantasy genre, if you're unfamiliar!) I'm almost done with the second book, I really enjoy the series so far.
Ready for this cold to be OVER! I'm sick of it! I want some spring weather! I want to get my garden tilled and planted, and put away winter coats! Bah!

New directions?

2011-03-30T16:36:00.000-04:00

It's been 19 days since I last posted, but never fear, I am here! Trying to stick with my "1 hour or less of internet for Lent" resolution, which I do well with most days (but not all...) Also trying to figure out where this blog is going, if I do keep up with it. We have some changes coming! Firstly, we have to find another home for our chickens (long story, but turns out we are not zoned for chickens). Also, we have decided to let dd1 go to public next year, and possibly the year after that. And dd3 will be going to pre-school (which was always the plan, I have no desire to homeschool for pre-school and Kindergarten!)

So there's that. I would also like to ask my Catholic readers to please pray for the intercession of Bl. Kateri, for our daughter Riley's eyesight to be miraculously healed. Bl. Kateri is in need of a miracle for canonization, and she is the perfect intercessor for Riley! Her feast day is on Riley's birthday, and she also had very poor eyesight as a result of smallpox. It would be wonderful if we could use a miracle for our daughter to help Bl. Kateri's Sainthood!

7 Quick Takes

2011-03-11T08:36:00.000-05:00

I'm trying to limit my internet time significantly (an hour or less a day) for Lent. Not that you should notice, since I'm an awful blogger to begin with!
I picked up my 1/2 hog order from the local organic farm! Quite a bit of piggy, for around $350 total.
Sadly, however, I forgot that I had placed an order for 22 meat birds...oops! No way could I fit any chicken in to my freezer, is is packed with pork! So, I canceled my chicken order. I'll just buy some direct from the farm this year, and try to figure out what to do for next year (I really don't have the room for another freezer!)
My little guy is getting big! 5 months old tomorrow :) I've had a tough time adjusting to having 4 children, but he sure makes it all worth it.
I finished the first book in the Wheel of Time series, and loved it. Already on book two.
Dh loves his new job, and it's going well. He's still a temp through ManPower right now, so I won't truly relax until he's hired on permanently, which will probably be 2 more months, as they have a 90 day contract with MP. I can't wait for health insurance, and it will be $4.50 more an hour!
My oldest is still very much wanting to go to public school next year, so that is on my heart. I definitely do not want her to going to public school for middle and high school, so if she's going to go, 4th and 5th grades are her last chance. So much to think and pray about!

Labels

2011-02-22T15:41:00.000-05:00

We took Finnegan in for a well baby visit last month. At one point the doctor stopped and asked, "Are you anti-vaccination? I can't remember." I said no, and he said, "Why do I always think that?" I laughed and said, "It's probably because I do a bunch other 'weird' stuff, people always assume we don't vaccinate!" And, it's true, people do assume this. I breastfeed or 2 or more years, our babies sleep in our room, we don't circumcise, I have a few different baby slings, I used cloth with all our babies (except Finn), etc...people observe these things and then label me "crunchy" and make assumptions about other areas.

I'm often amused at how people will look at one area of my life, or belief, and then put me into a category. People who only know me online, for example, and read my thoughts on politics and religion, are usually shocked to find out that my husband and I both have tattoos (and visible ones, at that). It doesn't fit with the notion most people have of political conservatives or traditional Catholics. Once, we met a real estate agent on a whim at a house we were interested in. I remember her looking from us to the rear of our car a few times, and I knew what she was thinking. Later, she casually mentioned, "So...you guys have a lot of tattoos for people that are so conservative!" in reference to the Gasden flag sticker and the support the troops magnet, I guess. On the other hand, people who see us assume we must be liberal atheists and are usually shocked to find out we're quite the opposite. I'm not immune these stereotype myself. When we became Christians, I tried really hard to fit the stereotype of what a "conservative Christian" looks like. But, it's not me, and it definitely didn't make my husband happy. I'm a little bit funky and different, and that's okay. I try to dress with modesty, and my husband, in mind, but I think God will forgive me if I eschew the denim jumpers (which my husband has expressly forbidden me from ever wearing, lol!) in favor of something a little more hip (who am I kidding; I'm lucky to get out of jeans and t-shirts!)

I think this is natural, labeling people, part of our innate, God-given desire for order. X goes here, Y goes there, nice and neat. And that's fine. It's fine, too, to have personal preferences. But two things, I think, we must keep in mind. One, does the way I look prevent me from sharing the Gospel? Now, I think we have a wide berth here. I don't think we all need to look like we stepped out of a Norman Rockwell paintings. Our bodies are temples for the Holy Spirit, and it's okay to decorate temples. It's not okay to tear them apart and rebuild them in ways they were never meant to be, or to make them so scary and imposing that your average person would be too terrified to approach them. Second, do I strive to see Christ in others? Do I look at people who offend my personal tastes and/or religious and political beliefs and treat them with disgust? Do I think to myself that Christ didn't really come for them, that He came for people like me, instead? Because there is no one that has ever or will ever live that Christ did not die for. There is no one, no matter what they've done, what they believe, or what they look like, that He doesn't desperately love and desire. Christ Himself commanded us to love our "enemies"- But I say this to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven, for He causes His sun to rise on the bad as well as the good, and sends down rain to fall on the upright and the wicked alike. For if you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Do not even the tax collectors do as much? And if you save your greetings for your brothers, are you doing anything exceptional? Do not even the gentiles do as much? You must therefore be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect. -Matthew 5:44-48

I have more I could say, but I'll stop there, otherwise I will never get this posted. It's been sitting around for over a month. :)

Thank you!

2011-02-09T15:41:00.000-05:00

Thank you so much to everyone who has been praying for us over the last year, after dh lost his job! I'm so happy to let you know that he found a new job today! He starts as a full-time temp, but if he works hard and they like him, he will be hired on permanently, starting at almost $2 more than he was making at his last job (and $8 more than what he's making now!) We appreciate your prayers so much, and the intercessory prayers of the Saints, especially St. Joseph!

Set Free to Love

2011-01-29T21:00:00.000-05:00

Set Free to Love: Lives Changed by the Theology of the Body by Marcel LeJeune was something I've been looking for, so I was excited to see it. I often hear people criticize aspects of the theology of the body as unrealistic and unattainable, and have been wanting to read some stories of people who not only struggled with it, but embraced it and saw it revolutionize their lives.

LeJeune starts with a brief introduction on what the theology of the body is. Hard to do in just a few pages, but it does give enough information that those who are unfamiliar with it should be able to understand what the writers are talking about. The rest of the book is comprised of relatively short personal essays, dealing with a wide range of topics from abortion, to pornography, to same-sex attraction. I was particularly moved by the essay entitled "Transformed," an anonymous account of a young man who dealt with same-sex attractions most of his life. His accounts of the shame, confusion, and worthlessness he felt were very powerful and moved me to tears, as did the joy and strength he found in Christ and the theology of the body.

I felt a couple of the essays could have been more in depth, but overall I really enjoyed reading these different accounts of real people struggling with issues many of us have faced. I could have happily read twice as many as the mere 83 pages offered, though the upside of the shortness is I read the book in one afternoon (not something a busy mother of 4 often gets to do!)

This review was written as a part of the Catholic book reviewer program from the Catholic Company. I received the book for free in exchange for an honest review. Visit the Catholic Company for more, including baptismal gifts.

2011-01-28T21:13:00.000-05:00

The recent grand jury indictment of abortionist Kermit Gosne.ll painfully underscores how vital the pro-life movement in this country is. For years, pro-lifers have been trying to raise flags about Gosne.ll, only to be dismissed by the pro-abortionists as using lies and exaggerations to try to interfere with a woman's "right" to kill her unborn baby. The pro-abortion politicians in PA intentionally disregarded the numerous complaints (by patients!) against the abortionist, specifically because they didn't want to be seen as interfering with the "right" to abortion. Although pro-abortionists can shrug off the brutal murder of newborn babies, what about the women that Gosne.ll maimed and killed? You would think that a movement that purports to be the ones who truly care about women would be horrified at the way this abortionist butchered them. Yet they don't seem to care; in fact, the National Abortion Federation, who claim to review abortionists for safety so that women will feel comfortable having them kill their babies, find enough wrong in Gosne.ll's clinic to deny him membership, yet never bothered to report him to authorities (who, as we've seen, ignored complaints anyway, but perhaps they would have listened if NAF said something?) How many women were seriously injured because NAF didn't want to risk making abortion look bad by reporting Gosne.ll? The grand jury report is easy to find and extremely disturbing and difficult to read, but I encourage you to read it. It's vital to know what we're up against.

Ironically, this all came to light just days before the anniversary of Roe V. Wade. The mainstream media, as usual, ignores the millions who turn out around the country to stand up for the unborn, as well as the women victimized by abortion, but I do feel like the tide is turning. With the serious advancements in ultra-sounds and fetal medicine, the humanity of the unborn is undeniable. For 40 years the "worthless clump of cells" mantra has been crammed down our throats, and every day that passes it's more and more exposed for the hideous lie that it is. When many women now see their baby's heart beating on screen, just 6 or 7 weeks into the pregnancy, it's more difficult to convince them that it's not a baby, not worthy of love or attachment or life (which is precisely why the pro-abortionists fight tooth and nail against letting abortion-minded women see their unborn children via u/s). When most people can think of at least one child they know personally who was born seriously premature and lived, it's that much harder to convince them that late-term abortions should be legal, for any reason. The only difference between a baby born at 25 weeks fighting for her life in the NICU and one laying dead and dismembered in an abortionist's trash can is that one was wanted, and one was not.

It's difficult to read about what happened in PA and not be enraged. But as a former abortion advocate, I have to say that the number one difference between pro-life and pro-choice is love. I am constantly amazed at the love that permeates the pro-life movement. By contrast, the pro-choice movement is filled with anger and hatred. It isn't just the babies and mothers victimized by abortion that need our love, but the abortion advocates as well; maybe even most of all. In Matthew 5:43-45 Jesus Christ tells us, "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Heavenly Father, for He makes His sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and unjust." So love, pray, and never stop fighting!

Chickens!

2011-01-11T19:52:00.001-05:00

It's that time of year when my thoughts to turn to CHICKENS! Next month I will be placing my chicken order to Murray McMurray Hatchery. This is who we ordered from last year, and I was very happy with them. My current layers are coming up on a year old. They should lay decently through the summer, but by next year they won't be giving much, so I will probably be butchering them in fall. No sense wasting money feeding them through winter! Except, of course, for Bessie, the little Buff Orpington, who's become a pet. Right now I'm planning on trying out New Hampshire Reds. I think they're very pretty, and they're supposed to be big, hearty birds and good layers.

I was also able to find a farm that processes chickens an hour away from my house, so I won't have to deal with the mess. Although it's certainly rewarding to do it ourselves, we just aren't set up to do more than a few comfortably! So I will also be ordering around 25 meat birds, to raise and then send off for butchering.

And since our sweet Polish roo died, I think I will let my oldest get a new one (Golden Polish this time, they're so pretty!)

2011-01-10T17:31:00.000-05:00

Dh got a call about a great job opportunity, we would appreciate prayers! We should hear back from the company tomorrow. He applied with them a month ago, so we had given hope that we would hear back, when they called today.

St. Joseph, patron of workers, pray for us!

2011-01-10T09:27:00.000-05:00

When a tragedy happens, we should rush to pray for those involved, not point fingers and make bizarre accusations to gain political leverage. It's really shameful, frankly. And I'm very tired of it.

Please pray for those involved in the Arizona shooting, including the shooter and his family.

2011-01-06T21:41:00.000-05:00

I came upon this reflection on facebook and wanted to share. It was definitely timely for me!

What do you think is the greatest 'drag' on homeschooling? Teaching higher level... math, or science? Nope; the greatest 'drag' on homeschooling is the discouragement virus. Some of the symptoms sound like this: "Am I depriving my child by teaching him at home?" "I have no patience." "I feel like I'm trying to cover too much, and doing a poor job at all of it."

The inoculation against this deadly 'discouragement virus' begins with the realization that we aren't homeschooling alone. God is with us; our homeschools are His work, too. View homeschooling progress as God views spiritual progress: from the scope not of one day, but from eternity. If our Father delights in our toddling spiritual steps toward Him, we don't need to judge ourselves more harshly than He does. Keep going, Mom, you're doing great!
-Theresa Johnson, http://www.chcweb.com/

Come follow my weight loss blog!

2011-01-02T11:21:00.000-05:00

I mentioned in my last 7 Quick Takes that I was currently reading Eat Fat, Lose Fat by Sally Fallon and Mary Enig. Well, I'm just about ready to start phase 1 of their quick and easy weight loss plan, and I've started a separate blog to track my progress. EFLF is based on REAL FOOD and traditional foods principles; it's not your standard low-fat, low-calorie diet that's just a recipe for malnutrition and relapse. So come check out Nourishing Weight Loss, if you're interested!

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T22:02:00.000-05:00

I hope it's a good one for all of you! I had to add in our Christmas picture, since I hadn't posted it before. Aren't they adorable?! I love them all so much, thank you, God, for blessing me with them!

I decided that one of my new year resolutions should be to make at least two blog posts a week. So see, already succeeding at at least one of my resolutions!

I'm also using Good Reads to track one of my other resolutions, increased reading! Please add me as a friend if you're also a user. Right now I'm reading The Dark Tower by Stephen King and Eat Fat, Lose Fat by Sally Fallon and Mary Enig. I'm thinking of starting a separate blog for the traditional foods weightloss, it's a pretty involved lifestyle and has followers of all types (who might not care about reading about my kids, faith, homeschooling, etc, but would be interested in commiserating with others follow EFLF!) We'll see.

2010-12-29T12:07:00.000-05:00

We had a lovely Christmas day, and hope you did, too! The Word was made flesh and dwelt among us...how great God's love for us is! Rejoice in Him!

My thoughts are turning towards the new year. The last two years have been very difficult for us. Sometimes it's hard to feel God's presence and praise Him in the darkness, but what can you do? Cling to the cross and carry on. And truly, even in the hardest times, we've also been immeasurably blessed. Still, I hope the new year is a little easier on us!

Resolutions are so appropriate, aren't they? A chance to start fresh. I try to keep mine realistic and simple. Lose weight, read more :) Pray more, love more, give more...

What's your new year resolution?

O Come O Come Emmanuel

2010-12-23T15:19:00.000-05:00

A beautiful video accompanying one of my favorite songs. O Come O Emmanuel is one of those songs that always moves me deeply and brings me to tears.

Sausage Meatballs and Kale with Pancetta

2010-12-17T10:45:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite "quick and easy but wholesome" meals is sausage meatballs and kale with pancetta.

Kale is hands down my favorite leafy green. It's actually a type of cabbage, and it's full of vitamins A and C, lutein, beta carotene, and even calcium. It's super nutritious with anti-oxidant and anti-inflammatory (and maybe even anti-cancer!) properties. And it's in season up through December, so eat up! It's a very mild green, so it's great to throw into soups and stews, too.

I almost feel silly calling these "recipes" because they're really not! I don't measure anything, so beware :)

My sausage is pre-seasoned and made from local hogs. All I add to it is one egg, some freshly grated parmesan cheese, and some homemade sourdough breadcrumbs. If you're using unseasoned pork, you want to add some spices (just look up "sausage spices" to guide you). Roll 'em up into balls and put them on an aluminum foil covered cookie sheet. Drizzle with extra virgin olive oil and bake at 375 for 15-20 minutes, or until done.

While they're baking, I start on the kale. First, start browning the pancetta in a pan. Pancetta is similar to bacon, so you could use bacon instead, but I love pancetta, especially since it comes cubed for me! Tear the kale leaves off of the steam and wash well, the chop. I don't drain the pancetta (kale loves fat!), I just add a tbsp or so of extra virgin olive oil to the pan before I throw in the chopped kale, tossing to coat. The other thing that kale loves is acid, so I drizzle on some balsamic vinegar. Cover and let it cook down, then give it some fresh ground black pepper before serving.

There you go! Simple, delicious, and nutritious :)

Finnegan's birth, c-section after vba2c

2010-12-12T18:34:00.001-05:00

My little guy is 2 months old today, can you believe it? Being that it's his two month "birthday," I thought I should get to writing up his birth story. I probably should have done it earlier, so things were more clear in my mind, but having a c-section after having a vba2c (vaginal birth after 2 c-sections) is a bit of an emotional journey. And, of course, finding time with a newborn and three other kids isn't always easy!

Brief birth history- Dd1 was induced at 41 weeks at my insistence (I wanted induced at 40! But 9 years ago they made you wait :) ) I was very young, only 18, and knew very little about birth. I was induced with cytotec, which caused intense contractions that hyper-stimulated my uterus and was causing her distress. And so after 9 hours, with her worrisome heart tones and a total lack of progress (I did not dilate at all and only effaced a little bit) I had a section.

I got pregnant with dd2 3 years later. I basically went to the other end of the birth spectrum. We started out at a birth center, but halfway through they decided not to do vbacs there anymore, and so we decided to have a homebirth with a midwife. There's so much to this story that I can't do justice in brief, but suffice to say, it did not go well. After days of agonizing pain my labor was stalling and her heart tones were getting worrisome. We transferred to the hospital and by the time we got there her hear rate was very bad. They did a c-section and she started having seizures immediately, and was whisked off to the NICU. She spent two weeks there. It was an awful experience. Long story short, she had suffered a stroke that caused serious brain damage, and she's permanently disabled as a result.

So with dd3 I was very torn on what to do. Although I support the right of other women to chose homebirth, after our experience it was not something I would ever chose again. Luckily I found a great OB on my first try, and had an easy, natural vba2c in the hospital. It was so nice to be the first one to hold my baby, especially after the pain of not being able to hold dd2 until she was 5 days old! And the recovery was so much easier, I was shocked at how great I felt after she was born. Honestly, after how easy her birth was, I fully expected that any more children I had would be vaginal!

So back to my little man. First, I think it's important to talk about how emotionally difficult pregnancy after loss is. I thought that once I passed 16 weeks, when I miscarried Dominic, I would relax and be okay. Well, it wasn't that easy. If anything, my fear and anxiety was worse. I spent most of the pregnancy terrified that I was going to lose him, and the closer I got to my due date, the more afraid I was. The online "pregnancy after loss" group that I posted to was a blessing in many way, but it also terrified me. So many of the women in that group had had full term stillbirths. It made the fact that there are no guarantees that much more real to me. Praying and trusting God were so hard! But what can you do but keep going?

When my blood pressure spiked at the end of my pregnancy with Finn I was definitely worried. I've never had blood pressure problems, my blood pressure has always been pretty low (normally around 105/65). Even during my 2 hours of pushing with dd3, my bp never went over 120/80! (I vaguely recall one of the nurses commenting on this, but I was pretty focused on getting her out!) When I went in that Monday, October 11th, for my check up after 4 or 5 days of bedrest, my OB said that my bp was stable, the bedrest was working, and I could continue on. But, I asked to talk about induction. Boy, was she surprised! She was the same OB I had had for my vba2c, and I had be very adamant about not inducing, and had gone into labor naturally 10 days after my due date. But I talked to her about how nervous the blood pressure issues were making me, and how I didn't really feel like carrying on now that I had reached my due date, plus the fact that dh had already had to take a week off of work while I was on bedrest and couldn't take much more time off of work. She preferred Friday, because she would be oncall Saturday. Dh preferred that night, and so did I, but only because the on-call for that night (Dr. G) was the same OB that had been on-call when I miscarried Dominic. She was a very sweet doctor, and it just seemed right to have her start the induction. My doctor, Dr. S, guessed that the induction would take a couple hours longer than my last birth, which had been 12 hours long. So, I figured that if I didn't deliver that night with Dr. G, I would deliver in the morning with Dr. S.

So we went home and got every thing ready, called my doula, J, and arrived at the hospital at 3pm. L&D was VERY busy; one of the nurses joked that there must have been a snowstorm 9 months before! The induction didn't get started until almost 8:30. Because of my previous c/s, Dr. G started the induction with a folely bulb, which is basically a little ballon they insert up against your cervix. Once you dilate to 3cm, it falls out. This basically "ripens" the cervix in a safe way for vbac moms (the medication they give non-vbac moms to do this can cause increase the risk of uterine rupture). When they had hooked me up to the monitor, I was already having mild contractions, and when Dr. G inserted the bulb, she said I was already 2cm, -1 station, and about 60% effaced. Dr. G was optimistic that the folely bulb alone might put me into active labor without needing pitocin.

Dh, doula J and I chatted for awhile, then around 10:30 we decided to try to sleep. Sometime after midnight I woke up and realized the foley bulb had fallen out, yay! The nurse called Dr. G, who checked me; 4cm and -1 station still. My bp looked good and I was still having mild contractions, so Dr. G decided to hold off on the pitocin and break my water to see if that would get my labor going. The contractions did pick up, but still aren't terribly strong, so at 3am they started a pitocin drip. Because of the previous c/s, they were very cautious, starting it at 1 and increasing by 1 every 30 minutes. I labored on throughout the night, and around 9am the next morning, a nurse checked my progress (I think I asked her to, but I don't remember for sure!) I was disappointed to hear that I was still 4cm and -1, no change in effacement. Because of the IVs I couldn't get up and walk, but the nurse brought me a birth ball.

Tyson being silly, putting my socks on while I bounce on the ball!

I bounced on the birth ball for over an hour, but felt like my contractions were getting weaker. The nurse looked over my strip and agreed, checked me and said I was still 4cm and -1, but thinned out to 75%, which was a little encouraging. My bp went up some from being on the birth ball, so I rested in the bed.

Around noon is when Finn started having some post-contraction decels. His heart rate had been consistently around 145, dropping some during contractions, as it's supposed to. But heart decelerations *after* contractions are worrisome, and with this one he dropped down under 110. I rested for awhile longer and then got back on the birth ball to try to move my little man down; I knew I need the pressure of his head against my cervix to keep things moving! Unfortunately, we just couldn't get him to stay on the monitor while I was on the ball this time, so had to get back into bed. Not long after that Finn had a big post-ctx decel- down to 73. It was so scary to listen to.

The contractions were getting more painful. I "vocalized" (a nice way of saying "moaned!") through them and asked for a shot of Nubain (I love Nubain!) It took the edge off and let me relax and doze off in between contractions. My contractions were getting irregular, but I kept laboring and dozing. Around 3:30pm Dr. S checked me. I was 5cm, but he had moved UP to -2 station! Dh was ready to talk about c/s, but I was willing to keep going, and Dr. S really wanted me to deliver vaginally because my water was broken, and a c/s after your water has broken increases the risk of infection. She said my cervix was just not ripe enough and it's going to be a long labor. Finn's post-contraction decels are worrisome, but not serious yet, so Dr. S suggests "rehydrating" my uterus to give him some cushion, because his cord may be getting compressed. I got my second Nubain injection around this time, but it wasn't as nice as the first one; it just made me nauseous! Dr. S doesn't like moms with broken waters to have very many vaginal exams, so she tells the nurses not to check me for 5 hours, unless it looks like I'm getting close.

I was starving, I hadn't eaten in over a day. I got some chicken broth and jello and felt so much better! But after a couple of hours I was getting hot flashes and having a lot of nausea. I remember getting Zofran when I was nauseous from the morphine they gave me during my miscarriage, so I requested some at 6pm. Around 7pm I decide to get an epidural so I can sleep, assuming it's still going to be awhile before my guy shows up. I told doula J to go home and get some rest! I got the epidural, which, for the record, I HATED. I don't know if he gave me an extra strong dose or what, but I could not feel my legs at all or move them, and it freaked me out. I much preferred the pain of labor! I asked the nurse to call the anesthesiologist back in to turn the dosage down. While we were waiting for him to show, the new on-call OB, Dr. R, came in. (He had come in before around 4pm, I think, but I don't remember for sure). He checked me, and again, no progress. By now it had been over 24 hours, and my little guy was not interested in moving down and out. Dr. R suggested a c/s, and I agreed.

I have to admit, I was fighting back tears while they were prepping me. I knew it meant I would never have another vaginal birth. (I have no desire to vba3c). But nothing mattered more to me than having Finnegan safely in my arms, and I felt like he had his reasons for not wanting to move down.

I'm not sure how long the surgery itself took. I know they took me back around 9:30 and he was born at 10:21pm. I think it took them around 20 minutes from the first cut to get him out, due to all the scar tissue from the two c/s and the ectopic repair surgery I had.

I don't know how long it took him to cry, but it seemed like forever. He had a lot of "gunk" they had to suction out. I hated not hearing him cry. I was having flashbacks to dd2's birth, and dh kept asking over and over if he was okay. Finally, he cried, and it was so beautiful to hear! Once they got him suctioned out he was doing well. Dr. R was having a bit of a hard time with my uterus. He said the lower segment was "paper-thin" which made it difficult to suture back together; it was basically disintegrating as he tried to sew. I lost a fair amount of blood (you can see a big splatter of blood on the drape in the very first picture; not what you want to see during major abdominal surgery!) I was pretty out of it from the medications, and I kept "forgetting" to breathe, so every once in awhile I would black out and then hear the anesthesiologist yell "breathe!" Scary!

They brought Finn over to me before they took him to the nursery, he looked so much like his sisters! He was so beautiful, and I was so happy to have him here, finally! Unfortunately I had to tell them to move him away before I threw up on him, I was still so nauseous. I threw up some and they gave me more Zofran, even though I think they weren't supposed to because I had had some earlier (oops!) I'm not sure exactly what time they took me to recovery, but I think it was around 11:30pm. Doula J met me in recovery, she was great! She had snapped some pictures of dh and Finn in the nursery to show me. She was good company! I wanted my baby but I was still pretty out of it and wouldn't have been able to hold him. Every once in awhile the nurse would ask me to wiggle my toes, and I kept saying "I can't move my legs, I'm trying!" and she would say "but you are moving them!" I couldn't feel it, though! Like I said, not being able to feel/move my legs really freaks me out. I kept asking the nurse if I was going to be paralyzed, lol! She was nice and re-assuring.

The finally took me back to my room around 12:30pm, and doula J went down to the nursery to tell them I wanted my baby! I was feeling much better and more alert by then, I was so happy to see him.

He was still very alert and eager to nurse, thankfully! I noticed he sound very congested and asked the nurse to check him out. She ended up suctioning out a ton of "gunk" that he still had in his lungs! She was shocked he had so much left after all the suctioning they had done right after birth. But all was well :)

I won't lie; having a c-section after a successful vbac is disappointing. I admit that I'm jealous of women who have easy vaginal births. It doesn't seem fair! If I'm being "good" by being open to life, shouldn't God cut me slack and reward me by making it easy? But, that's not the way it works. Submission to God isn't conditional! So, I'll bear my cross. It can't be that bad anyway, can it? Major abdominal surgery isn't fun, for sure, but three times I've gone through it and three times it's brought me beautiful children that I'm eternally grateful to God for.

I never have felt like my c-sections made me less of a woman, or that having a vaginal birth made me a "real" woman. I never really understood what that was supposed to mean, anyway. Does that mean women who never have children aren't "real" women? Of course not! I don't think about my children in terms of their births, the vbac baby and the c/s babies. They're just my children. They all had their own journeys, some easy, some hard. I've always resented the notion that only a certain type of birth is allowed to be beautiful and sacred. No matter what it looks like, birth is beautiful in its own way. We women who are blessed to carry children in our wombs are blessed even more so because we're intimately invited into the act of creation in a way that our male counterparts are not. How amazing it is to carry another immortal soul within you! Birth is the culmination of that, the beautiful but bittersweet moment when the body that houses that soul is brought into the physical world. Each birth is perfect to me because it's the one that brought me that baby, I could never regret it!

ETA- I totally forgot to add that when Finn was born, he had a "true knot" in his cord! True knots aren't always a problem, but they can be. We figure that was why he was having post-contraction decels in his heart rate- it was tightening the knot!

7 Quick Takes

2010-12-03T08:48:00.001-05:00

It SNOWED here on December 1st! Yes it did! It was only a dusting, but still. I love the snow, at least the first few snowfalls. By the end of January I'm usually over it.
I do SwagBucks and use my SB to get $5 Amazon egift cards. I've been doing it for about 5 months and netted $40 in gift cards! (And this is just with casual use, you can earn much more depending on how much you do). If you're interested, check them out through my referral link; I get SB when you search and win!
Speaking of my Amazon gift cards, I used my current balance to buy Eat Fat, Lose Fat, a "diet" book based on traditional foods. I'm excited to get it and see if it helps me shed the last of the baby weight! (Irony alert- as I'm typing this I'm drinking a "cappuccino" from the gas station and eating mini frosted donuts...ahem)
I've been attending Traditional Latin Mass (TLM) once a month, sponsored through Una Voce. I love it, I only wish it were offered every Sunday! A traditional parish nearby would be even better. Ah well, maybe someday? I'm surprised at how much my 9 year old enjoys it, I was afraid she would think it was boring. When we went in last Sunday, she saw 2 candles on the altar and exclaimed "Yay! That means quiet (Low) Mass!) For some reason, Low Mass is her favorite! Maybe a lesson that we don't need electric guitars and shouting to get kids engaged in the Mass.
I'm finally on the last book of the Dark Tower series! I've been working on reading the series all year. Interesting series, but I can see the difference between what was written back when he was still a drunk, and what was written after his accident and sobering up!
I'm so happy Advent is here! I love this time of year. Though I find it difficult to really separate Advent and Christmas for my kids. Dd1 and dh have been harassing me to put up the tree, but I'm holding firm and trying to get them to wait until December 17th when the O Antiphons start (I'd prefer to wait until Christmas Eve, but I'm compromising!)
I'll be purchasing next year's curricula in a couple of month, so I'm starting to ponder what I want to do next year. Right now I'm thinking mostly about math. CHC has you do MCP until 4th grade, and then switch to Saxon. But no one seems to like Saxon! So I'm not sure what I'll do. I'm considering looking into Rod and Staff, any experiences to share?

2010-11-26T19:52:00.000-05:00

Oh, poor, neglected blog! Yes, I know I'm pretty awful anymore about updating, but thankfully I have a small following that doesn't seem to mind :) Not for lack of ideas, I usually have thoughts throughout the day of something I'd like to blog about, but by the time I get the computer, I've either forgotten or lost my inspiration! Such is life with small children, I suppose.

I've decided to become invested in the brown scapular. I've been thinking about it for awhile and found a small, simple scapular and decided I should go ahead and do it. I had also considered investment in the black scapular (7 dolors), but enrollment in that is much trickier to get done. So, I hope to get in touch with my priest and have that done this weekend or next week. I had some confusion about the obligations it entails, but I think I've got it figured out!

2010-11-19T17:53:00.000-05:00

My little man is not so little anymore! He was weighed on Monday, coming in at 10lbs 12ozs and 21 1/4 in! That means in a month since birth he gained over 3 pounds and grew 2 inches. Yowza! I must be making pure cream!

Isn't he handsome in his little sweater vest? He was getting dressed up for the "baby sprinkle" that my friend (and neighbor!) threw for us. So nice of her! It was a nice day.

Streusel In-Between Pumpkin Cake

2010-10-31T09:25:00.000-04:00

Nothing says says fall like baking, and who can pass up baking with pumpkin? It's fantastic and full of vitamin A. I have a Betty Crocker "Fall Baking" cook booklet that I turn to every year around this time. This is one of our family's favorite recipes- Streusel In-Between Pumpkin Cake!

Streusel
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
2 tbsps all-purpose flour
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1/4 tsp pumpkin pie spice
1 tbsp butter, softened

Cake
3 cups all-purpose flour
2 tsps baking soda
1 tbsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp salt
1 cup butter, softened
2 cups sugar
4 eggs
1 cup canned pumpking (NOT canned pumpkin pie mix!)
1 cup sour cream
1 tsp vanilla
powdered sugar

Heat oven to 350F. Greast bundt cake pan and lightly flour. In a small bowl, stir all streusel ingredients until crumbly, and set aside.
In a medium bowl, mix flour, baking soda, cinnamon, and salt; set aside. In a large bowl, beat butter and granulated sugar on medium speed until creamy. Add eggs two at a time, beating well after each addition. Beat in pumpkin, sour cream and vanilla. Gradually beat in flour mixture until blended.
Spread half of the batter in the pan. Sprinkle streusel over the batter,, making sure it does not touch the sides. Top with the remaining batter, making sjure battery layer touches the side of the pan.
Bake for one hour or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean. Cool for 30 minutes, remove from pan to cooling rack. Sprinkle with powdered sugar once cooled completely.

Cut and enjoy!

The Salvation Controversy

2010-10-29T22:05:00.000-04:00

The Salvation Controversy, by James Akin, is a theologically heavy book that really maximizes every one of its 154 pages. Akin, a convert and former Protestant, fearlessly takes on of the most important (and contentious) topics among Christians of all denominations.

Akin relies heavily on Scripture to make a solid Catholic defense of beliefs and practices such as indulgences, purgatory, penance, and faith versus works. Because of the Protestant rejection of sacred Tradition, it's vital to provide a clear scriptural foundation for these, and Akin does so without seeming forced or grasping. However, he does draw on Tradition and the Church Fathers to make his arguments as well, and while he is unapologetic in his defense of the Catholic position on salvation, he also concedes to the Protestant objections when appropriate. Because of this, it's a great read for Catholics looking for a more advanced explanation of the salvation controversy, as well as Protestants looking for a thorough and honest Catholic perspective.

Although, I have to admit that I didn't care for the chapter "A Tiptoe through TULIP." Not because it wasn't well written; it was. But I really, REALLY don't like Calvinism, and the last thing I wanted to read was that there was anything about it that Catholics could feasibly support! But Akin is nothing if not intellectually honest.

The Salvation Controversy is a great, theologically meaty read for anyone wanting to a more thorough and advanced look at the issue.

This review was written as a part of the Catholic Review program from The Catholic Company.

7 Quick Takes

2010-10-22T08:26:00.000-04:00

My little man is 10 days old! It just zips right by. I forgot how much I love newborns. It seems like a lot of people don't like the newborn stage, but I eat it up. I love all the little noises and faces they make, how little and sweet they are!
I took a book with me to the hospital...Song of Susannah, the 6th book in the Dark Tower series by Stephen King. The nurses thought that was weird.
We decided to sell 5 of our hens to some friends. That will leave me with 4, which should be plenty! I just have too many, my little coop isn't big enough and I have more eggs than I could possibly use.
I am SO happy that fall is finally here! Have I mentioned lately how much I HATE summer? Because I do. I hate it. Fall, on the other hand, I totally adore. And I like winter a bunch, too. Spring is meh.
I can't wait until I feel well enough to start cooking again. I appreciate dh taking care of everything around the house, but he can't cook to save his life, and I can't handle much more boxed/frozen/processed food. Gah!
Finn has an appointment with the Holy Spirit this Saturday! We didn't get around to getting dd3 baptized until she was a few months old, so I'm glad we're on top of it this time.
Riley is LOVING school. I'm glad we decided to send her, it's been really good for her and they really care a lot about her. We have her IEP meeting on Monday, I'm going to request a full time aide for her, she could really use one. Right now the special ed teacher and her aide are in and out assisting her, but they have other kids to attend to and she really needs her own helper.

1 week!

2010-10-19T12:50:00.003-04:00

Finn is one week old already! I can't believe how fast time goes. He's nursing great; we took him to the doctor today and he's up to 8lbs and 20 inches long. He's such a sweet baby, I can't thank God enough for blessing us with him!

I'm healing okay from my c-section. After such a great natural birth last time, it makes the c/s seem even worse! I have to rest so much more and be careful to take it easy or I wind up in a lot of pain. Thankfully dh was able to get off of work and school to take care of the kids and the house for me. He goes back to class tonight, though, and starts back to work on Thursday. We're definitely getting back into the swing of things.

The girls adore their little brother. We haven't had any jealousy or sibling rivalry issues yet (knock on wood). The just love all over him and are so eager to help take care of him and keep him happy.

JJ Heller Performs "When I'm With You" live on KFOX radio at George Fox ...

2010-10-19T12:49:00.000-04:00

He's here!

2010-10-14T07:33:00.000-04:00

Finnegan James Ronald was born at 10:21 pm on October 12. 7lbs 10ozs and 19 1/4 inches long. He's got dimples in both cheeks and he's a total cutie pie! Unfortunately he refused to move down during labor and I ended up with a c-section after 24 hours into the induction because my cervix couldn't change without pressure from his head. He actually moved UP despite strong regular contractions that were 2.5 minutes apart. But after he was born we learned he had a true knot in his cord, which can cause serious problems during labor and delivery, so maybe he knew what he was doing! I wasn't surprised because he had been having post-contraction decels in his heart rate, which often signals some kind of cord issue. Sadly, I have a lot of bad scarring internally from my first 2 c/s and my ectopic pregnancy surgery, so I don't know how many more children we can safely have. But for now I'm focusing on my newest little blessing!

Induction today

2010-10-11T13:47:00.000-04:00

We'll start induction today around 4pm. I'm hoping it goes well and my blood pressure stays under control. Thanks for the continued prayers, we appreciate them!

39 weeks 5 days!

2010-10-07T12:57:00.000-04:00

Well this Saturday I will be 40 weeks pregnant! I saw the OB this morning, I'm 1cm dilated and 60% effaced (last week I was not dilated at all and 30% effaced).

Unfortunately, my blood pressure was high, 142/84 (it's normally around 105/60-65 even when I'm pregnant). They had me lay on my side for a bit and then took it again and it was 113/71. My OB said since it went down with me resting, I could do bedrest at home. So, I'm on bedrest and I go back Monday. Dh is taking tonight off work so he can take care of the kids and the house. Prayers my bp stays down are appreciated, I don't want to have to make the choice to induce (or do a c/s, uggh!) I'm trying to be optimistic, but I've been laying down for an hour and still having splotchy vision and numbness in my arms and hands.

38 weeks 1 day

2010-09-26T10:59:00.000-04:00

I hate that I'm feeling so impatient and done being pregnant, considering I still have 13 days until my due date! I didn't start feeling like this with the others until around my due date. Maybe that means he'll come early? HA! I wish! Oh well, there's nothing I can do about it but wait.

Yesterday I took the girls out to Fair Oaks Farms for the day. Tyson worked the night before so he was sleeping, so I asked grandma if she wanted to come along and help me keep the kids wrangled. It's only about 45 minutes from us, but we had never been! The girls had a great time.

Of course, as usual I forgot my camera, so I had to use my cell phone!

Where the cows are milked. The girls called this the "cow merry go round!" I don't think Riley could see much of what was going on, but she's a happy camper and loved the bus ride. We got to ride all around the dairy farm on a tour. We also got to see a baby cow being born at the Birthing Barn! Apparently mom had some trouble because two people attached tethers to the baby's legs and yanked him out (it seemed like it took forever and it was painful to watch! Poor mama). Grandma asked Bailey later if she had learned anything, and she said "yeah- cows having babies is disgusting!" (She refused to look, she preferred to look at the one that was already out!)

Rory and I conquered the "string cheese maze" while her sisters bounced on some huge pillow thing. She cheated, though! Going under the ropes :)

So that was yesterday. Today we're going to Latin Mass with Bailey, then dropping her off at grandma's with her sisters and doing some baby shopping (STILL no student loan, but we got some money from a class action law suit against Tyson's former employer, so at least I can get a changing table and a few other things!) Then out to dinner sans kids for my birthday, which is tomorrow (I will be 28!) Tyson finally got our bedroom painted and I've got most of the baby's clothes washed and folded in a box, so I'm excited to get a changing table and get the room all set up for him!

I did get some canning done, a few more pints of pickled peppers and a couple pints of peach butter. So sad I didn't get any tomatoes this year, but oh well!

2010-09-19T18:35:00.000-04:00

It's amazing how quickly September is going! It seems like it just started, and it's already the 19th!

I got the Mary Undoer of Knots novena I spoke about in my last post in the mail. I'm hoping to start it tonight. I know I've got plenty of knots in my life that need addressed. Speaking of which, we're STILL waiting on dh's student loan money to come through (money that I really need to pay bills and finish baby shopping up) so prayers for speed in that are appreciated.

I'm 37 weeks and 1 day, so home stretch! I keep hoping maybe this little boy will be nice and come a little early, unlike his sisters that were all a week or more "late." I am tired and huge and uncomfortable and just generally done being pregnant, but mostly I'm still very paranoid that something is going to go wrong. I just want him safe in my arms so I can relax. Of course, I think that now, but I'm sure after he's born I'll just transpose that worry to SIDS and things like that. One of the hardest things about multiple miscarriage for me has been the loss of innocence. I never worried incessantly like this with my pre-miscarriage pregnancies. I need to work on giving that up to God and surrendering myself to His will.

I'm also VERY ready for consistent fall weather. This is probably due in part to the fact that I'm a nasty, sweaty mess, and yesterday it was 84F out which made me want to cry. I don't remember sweating this much with my other pregnancies! Even with the a/c blaring and freezing the rest of the family out I'm still all sweaty and gross. BLAH! The end of pregnancy is definitely not fun. I spent a couple hours in labor and delivery last Sunday because I had so much, um, "wetness" that I was starting to worry I had a slow leak in my amniotic sac. It wasn't, but geeze, isn't pregnancy so glamorous? Still, praise God for it no matter how hard it can be! Pregnancy is a miracle and a blessing no matter how miserable I might feel at the moment (actually, right now I feel okay, just tired!)

Ah, also, we have some surprise chicks! We had a hen (well, technically still a pullet, but whatever!) go missing. After a few weeks we still hadn't found her and just assumed she had been taken by a predator. Well, yesterday afternoon my neighbor knocks on my door and informs me that I have chicks hatching in his yard! She had made a nest in his overgrown wood pile and laid a clutch. We left her until today, not all the eggs were hatched yet but I really wanted to get her somewhere safer (before we left for church there were two big dogs I didn't recognize roaming, there are also a few cats, including my own, around, so I was worried something might get her and the chicks). So we stuck our two brooding cages together and moved mama and the chicks and eggs to the garage. I think there were 13 eggs total, and so far 6 chicks. When I checked earlier, one had just pecked a hole in his egg and you could see the little beak sticking out. Very cute, unfortunately, I have absolutely NO MORE ROOM for chickens, I'm at my limit. I really hope I can find someone to take them, or they're going to end up butchered for meat in a few months.

2010-09-05T16:14:00.000-04:00

I've been hearing a lot about this novena to Our Lady. At my rosary group/Bible study on Friday, one woman mentioned that she knew a woman who's son had fallen away from the Church and become vehemently anti-Catholic. She did this novena and ended it on a Saturday, and on Sunday he called to tell her he was coming back to the Church! Now he's an active, enthusiastic Catholic. Others chimed in that they had also heard great things about this novena. St. Irenaeus said, "Eve, by her disobedience, tied the knot of disgrace for the human race; whereas Mary, by her obedience, undid it." Mary is our mother, she loves us and longs to "undo the knots" in our loves that are causing us pain and distancing us from her Son! I've ordered this novena, I'm looking forward to praying it.

As for things in baby land, I am 35w3d! (or 34w4d, going by the u/s edd, but that doesn't match up with my ovulation, so I'm sticking with the first one for now!) I bought paint for our bedroom, Rosemary Green, where baby boy will be staying. I don't have an extra room for a nursery, anyway, plus I like to keep my babies in my room for at least 18 months. It would be nice it we were moved to a bigger house by the time he's ready for a toddler bed (and thus his own room), but if not, I'm sure we'll figure it out. We're getting cramped here (maybe "cozy" is a better word!) but God will give us what we need. Anyway, the walls were all white when we bought this house (6 years ago) and we really should have repainted then! White walls and children just don't mix well. We've painted the kids' rooms (both pink) and the kitchen and living room and hall way. I'm not going to bother painting the utility room, so all that's left is our bathroom and my bedroom. I think I might hire someone to paint the bathroom, it's small (VERY small!) so it shouldn't cost much, and I don't feel like dealing with painting behind the toilet.

I'm hoping dh doesn't procrastinate (like he usually does) because I really want the bedroom painted asap, so we can rearrange the furniture and start getting the room set up for the baby. I've got his car seat, we need a new changing table, and I'll probably just use the pack and play with the bassinet attachment for sleeping, like we did with the last baby. I think I've got most of our newborn and 0-3 month clothes washed, so I just need the changing table to get them set up on! I did make kind of a hard decision about diapering...I've used cloth with all my others, but I've decided to go with disposables with this one, at least in the beginning. Frankly, I have a hard enough time staying up on laundry, and I've always struggled with funk because of our hard well water, and I just don't want to deal with it! So I've given myself permission to make a decision based on convenience for me (my convenience usually doesn't factor in!)

I met with my doula on Friday, so that is all set up! I'm hoping for another smooth labor and delivery like dd3 (who was a vba2c [vaginal birth after 2 c-sections]), but I know by now anything could happen! Her birth was so easy that by the time I was in enough pain to consider the epidural, I was 10 cm and ready to push! My next appointment is September 8th, and then it will be weekly until the baby arrives!

2010-08-28T12:16:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm 34 weeks and 2 days! All my other kids have been a week or more overdue, but I have a feeling that this baby will come a little early. But I can't tell if that's intuition or wishful thinking, lol. I'm huge and ready for fall!

My 9 year old took the picture, so it's not exactly flattering (at least, that's my excuse!!)

School's Here!

2010-08-21T18:24:00.000-04:00

Well my two oldest survived their first week of school! Bailey is on her third year of homeschooling, and Riley entered Kindergarten at the local public school. I know it seems strange to have one in public school and one homeschooling, but it's what works best for them for this year.

I was worried sick about Riley. She's seriously visually impaired (she had an evaluation from Indiana school for the Blind and her vision is so bad she'll have to learn braille) and mildly developmentally delayed. It's a small rural school, and while they have had special needs kids, of course, they've never really had any kid with such a significant visual impairment. And of course, she's still not completely potty trained because of her stroke, and it's embarrassing for her. She got tearful when I dropped her off the first day, but when I came to pick her up she said she had fun, and she seems to be enjoying it! Check her out on her first day, isn't she adorable?

Bailey had a pretty good first week of third grade, too! Generally 9 year old whining and about some things, but overall she did a good job, and I think she enjoyed most of her books. I was worried I might have tried to take on too much, curriculum wise, but we were able to get everything done in a total of about 3 hours, which seems like a good time for a third grader.

2010-08-11T15:09:00.000-04:00

Well, things are chugging along here. Thanks for the prayers, we appreciate them! I don't want to talk too much about our financial issues just because it's stressful, and also it just makes me whiny, when really I should count my blessings and be grateful for all that I have!

I'm 32 weeks and things seem to be going well with the baby. He wiggles and rolls a lot, which I love. I've gained about 21 pounds, which is pretty good for me! (I gained 50 pounds with my third pregnancy!) I'm anxiously awaiting Tyson's student loan next month so I can buy the baby things I need and get our room ready for our little guy. You'd think since he's number 4 I'd have everything, but after 9 years of kids most of the stuff needs replaced! We need a new carseat (the infant carrier we used for the last two is getting ready to expire), a new changing table (we bought one used for $25 with dd1 and it finally died after dd3), some new diaper covers and I'm sure other things!

Oh, I've been reading a lot lately about "traditional foods" and I'm finding it very fascinating. Right now I'm reading Real Food: What to Eat and Why by Nina Planck. I definitely recommend it, it's a great read. There's a lot of technical information, but she has a pleasant writing style so it isn't boring to read. The basic idea is that post-industrial processed foods are bad for us (big surprise!) and that traditional foods, like butter, grassfed beef, lard, raw milk, pastured eggs, fresh vegetables, etc are good for us. So really, a lot of what I already felt instinctively, but she gives a solid scientific base for it all.

Most interesting to me is the information on grains, particularly how our bodies digest them, and how harmful the over consumption of them is. I've always eaten very carb/grain heavy, but told myself it was okay since I eat whole grains almost exclusively. But after looking at some of the science behind it, I can see my grain heavy diet has contributed to a lot of my health issues, particularly my difficulty with losing weight. Grains and legumes contain phytic acid, which is a kind of antinutrient that inhibits the body's ability to absorb vitamins and minerals. They also contain protease inhibitors which affect our ability to digest protein. Which is not to say that we shouldn't eat grains and legumes! Just that we need to eat them in moderation, and more importantly, soak them before eating. Soaking helps to break down the phytic acid and causes your body to digest the grains or legumes as if they were vegetables. I've been doing this just for a couple weeks and already see a big reduction in gas and digestive issues for me! And it's not difficult, soak rice for an hour or two before using, soak beans overnight, let bread doughs have plenty of time to rise (overnight is best). Right now I'm soaking some jasmine rice to eat later with some green curry lamb meat balls, yum!

2010-07-31T15:21:00.000-04:00

I haven't updated in a few weeks because things haven't been going well, and it's hard to focus on anything else. One thing after another, you know, we can't seem to catch a break right now and it's upsetting. Prayers are always appreciated.

4H results

2010-07-20T11:48:00.000-04:00

Bailey did great at the fair! She showed her chickens yesterday. They all got blue ribbons; our Black Giant pullet also got reserve champion for the American class (basically second place) and our White Crested Black Polish got champion for his class (Continental) AND he won reserve grand champion for the exhibition class! (Which means they take the champions of each individual class and then pick the best two out of them). So she won a trophy for that, and she also won champion for showmanship for her age level and got another trophy! She's very excited :D

She won champion for her food preservation project (frozen cookies) so she gets to send them to state!

4H

2010-07-12T22:14:00.001-04:00

We're gearing up this week for 4H judging! It's a good thing my friend and neighbor is our club's co-leader, because I thought judging would be NEXT week (at the actual fair!). I knew chickens were judged then, so I just assumed everything else was, too. Well, I was wrong...everything else is judged this week! So we've been scrambling to get everything finished. Thankfully Bailey was nearly done, anyway. It's her first year, wish her luck :) I let you know how she does.

We could also use prayers for our money/job situation. Monday was dh's last unemployment payment, of course his benefits ran out the same week congress voted against an extension. He's been tied up waiting to start a job at Kroger's, prayers that the background check and things they're waiting on clear in the next couple days so he can start this week!

In pregnancy news, I'm chugging right along. Almost 28 weeks and everything is going great so far. Baby boy wiggles and kicks a lot, I love it. The girls love to talk to him and about him and feel him kick. He's still breech but he's got another month or so to turn. My gestational diabetes test is at the end of the month, I'm sure it will go fine.

First egg!

2010-07-02T17:05:00.000-04:00

I'm so excited! We got our first egg today!!

It's small, but it's got a strong shell and it's a great shape. Here's a comparison to a store bought egg-

Needs cleaned off some more, I know. Isn't it awesome? It's silly how excited dh and I were. We were out and I went to open the pen to let the chickens free range, and there it was in the corner!

2010-06-24T14:17:00.000-04:00

Boy, we've been busy! Here's some pics of what I've been up to-

Whole wheat sourdough

Sugar free strawberry jam (sweetened with apple juice and raw honey)

Cherry jam (full sugar)

Cherry cobbler (cherries are all from our tree)

Sweet potato curry

Whole wheat dinner rolls

We've also been busy with swim lessons, 4H, VBS, plus weekly violin lessons, and next month dd1 will have a week of summer camp. I think we're going to have dd2 do a couple therapeutic horseback riding sessions. And I still need to finish up lesson plans for next school year. Oh, about a million other things, too. Summer isn't much of a "break" when you're an adult!

She bathed His feet with her tears, then she wiped them with her hair

2010-06-14T14:06:00.000-04:00

It was kind of ironic that as I was chastising myself at Mass on Sunday for forgetting my headcovering for the second time in a row, the Gospel reading came from Luke 7, when the sinful woman washes Jesus' feet with her hair.

Now there was a sinful woman in the city
who learned that he was at table in the house of the Pharisee.
Bringing an alabaster flask of ointment,
she stood behind him at his feet weeping
and began to bathe his feet with her tears.
Then she wiped them with her hair,
kissed them, and anointed them with the ointment.

Why did she wash His feet with her hair? What's the significance? She could have easily done it with her robe, but she chose to use her hair. We know from Scripture that a woman's hair is her glory, and for 2000 years Christian women covered their hair, not out of some sense of shame, as modern feminists claim, but as an outward sign of their humility and submission to God. At the time this woman was washing her Lord's feet, uncovering a Hebrew woman's hair was used as a way to punish and humiliate them. We know the woman was a sinner; to uncover her hair, in the presence of men, was an acknowledgment of her sins. To wash Christ's feet with that hair, her crowning glory, acknowledged in a very visceral way that His glory was so much more than hers.

So I think of this story whenever someone asks me why I cover in the presence of our Lord. Sadly, because it's a practice that's fallen so badly out of practice, many women refrain from covering so as not to draw attention to themselves. I definitely understand this! You don't want what's ultimately an act of humility and submission to be viewed as an act of self-righteous piousness. I don't wear a long, lacy mantillas. I wear a simple but attractive hair covering, and I've never had any issues, even though I'm usually the only covered woman. For more information of the history of Catholic veiling, check out Fish Eaters (easily one of the best websites for orthodox Roman Catholicism that I've seen!)

Cloth Diaper Giveaway

2010-06-14T13:08:00.000-04:00

Nice cloth diaper giveaway @ Keeper of the Home!

Homemade fabric softener and sourdough starter/sponge

2010-06-08T15:09:00.000-04:00

A couple recipes for you!

Fabric Softener

1 cup baking soda
4 cups vinegar
4 cups warm water

Baking soda and vinegar react, of course, so you need to mix the vinegar in very slowly. Stir it well and add half a cup to your rinse cycle. This does not get clothes as soft as commercial softener, but personally, I don't like the way that feels, anyway (it feels...gunky!)

Onto sourdough. It's easily one of my favorite breads. There are a number of ways to do starter, but I do the plain old way- 1 cup of flour (I normally use whole wheat) and 1 cup of warm water. Cover it with a light cloth and let it sit in a draft free spot for a few days (I prefer near the stove so it gets some warmth), stir it once a day. What you're doing is trying to "catch" wild yeast, so there's no guarantee it will work. It should have a sour, alcoholic smell and some bubbling. It should not smell rancid. If you can't catch yeast that way, you do 1 cup warm water, 1 packet, yeast, and 1 cup flour.

Because I'm the only one in the house that likes sourdough, I don't bother to keep my starter fed. I put it in a mason jar that has a couple holes poked in the lid and keep it in the fridge. To revive, stir it up, add 1 cup warm water, 1/2 cup flour, and 1 tsp sugar. Cover and let it stand in a warm spot until foams.

Most sourdough recipes start with a sponge. So now you have your starter, put 1 cup of it into a large bowl with 2 cups of warm water and 2 1/2 cups of flour. Mix it, cover, and let it rest for a few hours.

If you have surplus sponge, you can use it to feed your starter! Just replace whatever you took out, or pour off some of the starter and add an equal amount of sponge.

2010-06-07T18:21:00.000-04:00

Dh informed me today that our cherries are ripe! He picked a big bowl so I can make him a pie (after I go get a cherry pitter; I pitted by hand the last time and I won't be doing that again). I should also have enough to make a big batch of cherry preserves.

Our green beans and corn were not fairing well. The green beans didn't come up at all and only about half of the corn came up, so we tilled and replanted today. Hopefully second time is the charm!

Everything else is doing well, though. I caged most of the tomato plants and the peppers are doing fine. The cucumbers are doing great, we'll wrap a trellis around the mounds soon so they can grow up onto that. We did that last year and it worked well. I finally got the herbs planted (in planters) and they're starting to come up. I decided to do a little watermelon and canteloupe in round planters instead of directly in the garden. Hopefully that will work!

Oh, and the chickens should start laying in the next few weeks, so I need to get a couple nesting boxes for their pen (we still don't have a proper coop built, that will get done in September). We've been letting them free range during the day, but they've started getting into the garden, so they'll have to stay in the pen for awhile now. At any rate, I'm very excited to start getting eggs :D

Curricula for the 2010-2011 school year

2010-06-05T14:58:00.001-04:00

I know homeschoolers are always interested to see what curricula other homeschoolers are using, so here is what I'm next school year with my 3rd grader.

Latin- Latina Christiana I

Math- MCP Level C

English- My Catholic Speller Level B
              Language of God Level B
              Classical Writing, Aesop book I, workbook A

Science- Behold and See 3

Religion- Christian Studies I
                Faith and Life 3

History-   D'Aulaires' Greek Myths course
                The Story of the USA Book I

We've also got a few miscellaneous things, cursive and printing copybooks from Memoria Press, art pac from CHC, etc. This is my first year planning out my own (as opposed to using the premade lesson plans from CHC) so I hope it's not too much (or to little, but I don't think that will be a problem!) Hard to stop myself, there's much I'd love to do, but I know if we try to take on too much it won't go well.

How is your planning for next school year going?

Giveaway @ Raisinghomemakers

2010-06-02T10:22:00.000-04:00

Raising Homemakers is having a great giveaway from a set of 10 DVDS!

Rise and Shine!

2010-05-27T13:52:00.000-04:00

This is what I see every morning when I get up to go get my coffee! I guess they're eager to say "hi."

Bella the cat always jumps up to see them, though I don't trust her intentions.

Review: From Atheism to Catholicism

2010-05-25T15:22:00.002-04:00

From Atheism to Catholicism: How Scientists and Philosophers Led Me to Truth by Kevin Vost gives an overview of one man's intellectual conversion from cradle Catholic to atheist and back to Catholicism. Vost was raised Catholic but became an atheist, in part because of the writings of well known atheist thinkers such as Friedrich Nietzsche and Albert Ellis. Part I of his book is dedicated to these atheists. Vost summarizes their positions and discusses his opinion on them, then and now. This was my favorite part of the book, because while I had heard of these men (and one woman, Ayn Rand) and knew that they were atheists, beyond that I was pretty clueless. I especially enjoyed the chapter on current atheist demigod Richard Dawkins. Vost pretty easily stomps all over Dawkins' terribly immature (in more ways than one) "philosophy" of modern atheism. Part II shows Vost's shifting from atheism back towards God, reflected in the writings of Alfred Adler, Mortimer Adler, and three prominent ancient Stoics. Part III highlights some of the great defenders of Christianity, such as CS Lewis and GK Chesterton. The personal story of the author seemed more of a side issue than a focal point to me, but I didn't have a problem with that.

I'm not sure that people who are well versed in philosophy would get much out of the book, but I think it's great for the average lay person.

This review was written as part of the Catholic books reviewer program from The Catholic Company.

7 Quick Takes

2010-05-21T10:37:00.000-04:00

Thanks for all the congratulations on our baby BOY! I'm still in shock! I bought him a newborn sleeper, brown with animals, so very boyish...I never thought I'd be doing that! I also scored him 4 pairs of babylegs and 4 pairs of socks dirt cheap (babylegs was having a 40% discount on orders of $40 or more, not sure if they're still doing it or if it was a one day thing. Coupon code was FORTY, if you want to try!) Yes, I'm having fun shopping for stuff that's not pink :)
We butchered the last of our meat birds last Saturday! It's nice having a freezer full of "organic, free range" chicken. If dh ever gets around to building an actual coop (we just have a pen with tarping for protection from the elements right now), I'd like to order another 25 or so to be butchered before winter. Still waiting on eggs, we've got about another month before my girls start laying. I'm so excited!
I just finished reading From Atheism to Catholicism last night, I'll have the review up within the next few days (I hope!) It was an interesting book.
Just a few more weeks left of school! Dd2's pre-school ends June 3rd, and dd1 (homeschooled) will be done the same week. I didn't actually plan her school year out, it just happened to work out that way. Since I'm moving away more from CHC I'm planning out next year myself (instead of using their lesson plans). Since dd2 will be in public school for Kindergarten, I did use their calendar for planning our school year. That way, they'll have the same days off.
We got our garden planted. As usual, I overbought on seeds and ran out of room! Which is saying something, considering it's over 600sq ft. I still need to do herbs in planters, and I think I'll try watermelon and cantaloupe in pots, too, and just let them spill out the sides.
Once school is over, dd1 and I need to get started on her 4h projects. This is her first year, she really wanted to show chickens so I went ahead and put her down as 3rd grade (2nd grade is mini-4h, which she said sounded "boring"). Since we homeschool, I chose curriculum according to her abilities, and not by grade level. Technically this year was "2nd" grade, but only because she went to 2 years of preK and Kindergarten at a Catholic school, so going on that timeline, she's 2nd grade. But she does a lot of things at a 3rd grade (or higher) level.
Oh, I'm finally at the point in pregnancy where I want to eat breakfast. Normally I never eat until 11am or later, breakfast has always made me queasy (pregnant or not!) It usually takes me till halfway through to develop an appetite for breakfast. Hard to believe I'm halfway through the pregnancy already!

U/S pictures

2010-05-20T11:46:00.000-04:00

Kind of hard to see, but his back is on the right, the bottom left is his hips, and the little nubby sticking out is his you know what, lol!

This is a profile shot, right side of his face is at the top, torso on the left hand side, little arms up by his face, and legs curled up along the bottom.

God is good!

It's a...

2010-05-19T15:27:00.000-04:00

BOY!! We were all shocked! I was really expecting another girl! We're very happy :D

U/S tomorrow!

2010-05-18T11:31:00.000-04:00

We're having an ultrasound tomorrow (not the official anatomy scan, they won't do that until 22 weeks, just a quick one at a 3D/4D place). So if you'd like to guess in our baby pool, please do! There's a link on the left-hand side of my blog page, or go to ExpectNet and use game name Poppyseed10.

Nesting Box Giveaway

2010-05-17T13:35:00.000-04:00

Life on a Southern Farm is having a giveaway for a great looking nesting box! Enter to win :D

Prayers

2010-05-12T17:44:00.000-04:00

I know I've been awful at updating, but I have a couple prayer requests, please!

Please pray for a possible internship opportunity for my dh (who's been unemployed since January).
Please pray for my friend J and her baby M, who is in the NICU.

Also, if you have any intentions, please let me know! We pray every night as a family for anyone we
know needs it.

FHC

2010-05-08T14:30:00.000-04:00

Our oldest daughter celebrated her First Holy Communion last Sunday. I was kind of surprised at how excited she was (she's usually less than thrilled to go to Mass). She said afterwards that she couldn't wait to go to Mass again this Sunday so she could receive Jesus again!

Kind of glad we don't have to do this again for 4+ years though, I was exhausted by the end of the weekend!!

2010-04-30T15:21:00.000-04:00

Lots of stuff going on- our oldest is getting ready for her First Holy Communion this Sunday! Very exciting :) All this stuff is very new to dh and I as well, since we weren't raised Catholic. I declined to buy her a veil, since it wasn't listed as required, and they were stupidly expensive, but now I'm freaking out about it- is she going to be the only girl with out one? What will people think? LOL! We'll have a party with some friends and family afterwards.

I started feeling definite baby movement yesterday, so that's exciting! Up till now it's been "maybe, but maybe not" so it's nice! I'm relaxing some, but it's still hard not to be nervous about losing another baby. One day at a time, I guess. I have my next prenatal appt on May 5th, and they should schedule the 20 week anatomy scan then, so I'm VERY excited about that. Excited to see a healthy baby and to learn the sex :) Bailey is really excited about finding out, too.

Oh, and I found someone to help me dispatch my last 5 meat birds, so hopefully I'll be able to get that done tomorrow and get some actual instruction on the killing technique. We'll be getting our huge (644 sq ft!!) veggie garden planted soon, too.

2010-04-25T09:47:00.000-04:00

Well, I said a couple posts ago that I had decided to go ahead and homeschool dd2 (who's visually impaired and developmentally disabled) next year. Then I had the IEP meeting with the school and totally changed my mind (I'm allowed to do that, right?) They have so many great resources available for her, I think it will be good for her. We live in a rural area where there are a lot of homeschoolers, so they were supportive and made it clear I could send her as much or as little as I want and still get services. But the problem is, when you have a child that will need services from so many different people (OT, PT, speech, special ed, instructor for the blind, etc), who are only available certain times, it gets really difficult to set up a say, half and half schedule that gets her everything she needs. So I felt like it would be easiest to start out sending her full time, and then go from there. I can always reduce it if she's not tolerating it well. But, she really loves school and I think that after an adjustment period, she'll do well. Plus, the Kindergarten is right across from her current developmental Pre-K, so the Kindergarten teacher said she can go over and see her old teacher if she needs to.

At any rate, the representative for the Indiana School for the Blind and Visually Impaired was there. She said that based on their evaluation Riley will need to be a braille reader. So her IEP for next year includes Braille readiness. I also asked to have them set up a mobility evaluation to determine if she would benefit from a cane (I think she would). My long term goal is to have her at the ISBVI full-time, but right now it's an hour and a half away from where we live. It's not imperative right now, but I'd really like her there by 2nd or 3rd grade. As great as the people at our local school are, it's not the same as being down at the ISBVI and having all their amazing resources available.

It's a bit of a relief too, because honestly I was already stressing out about juggling everything and having a newborn. Riley needs so much help and adaptation in her learning that I was worried about being able to handle it all. It'll be hard for me to send her off, but I think it will be good for her.

2010-04-16T13:26:00.000-04:00

Yikes, is it Friday again already? Well, I didn't post all week because I've been dealing with a horrible sinus infection, and it affects my ability to think clearly...thankfully now that I've started a round of antibiotics it seems to be clearing up. I still feel like crap, though, and now I'm irritated thinking of all the things I needed to get done this week that didn't because I was sick.

7 Quick Takes

2010-04-09T08:43:00.000-04:00

My pregnancy is going well so far, 13w2d! That's pretty much second trimester. I had a prenatal appointment Wednesday and they found the heart beat. I have a doppler I use at home, but it was nice to have validation from someone else that there's a baby in there.
We butchered our 6 pullets (females) last Thursday with the help of our neighbors (who actually know what they're doing!) So now I just have 6 males that will be ready in another week or two. Tyson and decided we really need to get a small second chest freezer just for meat!
After much praying we decided not to continue our special needs daughter in public school next year. I think the developmental pre-school she's gone to for the last two years has been great for her, but I really don't see any benefits (but lots of negatives) to putting her in a regular kindergarten next year. I'd love to send her to the school for the blind in Indy, but unfortunately that's 1.5 hours away, so it's not possible right now. So at any rate, I'll be homeschooling her next year, too. We'll use CHC with a lot of homemade stuff for her to aid in her vision problems.
Speaking of dd2 and the school for the blind, she had an evaluation with them on Wednesday, so I hope to hear back from them soon. They'll be able to give me a better idea of what kind of help she needs (like what size large print, braille, etc). I actually have been signing her up for children's braille programs, so we've got a handful of braille books I've introduced her to.
I need to get a hold of the guy that tills my garden and get that done soon! I'm going to have him expand it some for me, too. Now that I've gotten dh interested I've got enough help to take on more. And I've finally bought a pressure canner, so I'm super excited to try that out.
Speaking of dh, the 6th was our 9th wedding anniversary! It's kind of odd being 27 and married for nearly a decade! For my anniversary gift we're having my wedding set fixed- engagement ring is getting cleaned and resized and a bent prong is getting fixed, then I'm having a plain white gold band contoured to it and then welded together. Very excited to get it all done!
Our little pug Oliver kept having seizures (sometimes twice a day) so we had to put him on phenobarbitol. Thankfully it seems to be doing its job, he hasn't had any seizures since we started. Kind of funny though because that's the same medication that dd2 was put on after she was born to control her seizures!